THE TINY WEDDING CRASHER: A GIFT WE WILL CHERISH FOREVER

My name is Brittany James and my journey to motherhood started on November 8, 2022, two days before my 36^th birthday. But before we go any further, let me give some background context about our “wedding crasher”! My then fiancé and I moved to California back in August 2022, and we were amid planning our 2023 wedding. Unbeknownst to us, our storyline was going to change in October. October is important because that was the beginning of our new life. We took our engagement photos on October 20, 2023, and it was a very nice time in San Francisco, skipping the streets all in love. After our photoshoot we made it a date night and visited a restaurant nearby before heading back to Sacramento. It was the end of October when a close friend shared with me that she had a dream that I was pregnant.

I laughed and assured her that that was just a dream. I didn’t think much of it until I noticed that my cycle was running late. It wasn’t unusual for my period to be 1-2 days late, so I didn’t start to feel uneasy until day 3. Early morning on November 8, I went to CVS and purchased a pack of Clear Blue pregnancy tests. I was so nervous that I didn’t realize I purchased a 4-pack of tests. I returned home and took the first test while on Facetime with my fiancé. As we waited for the results, we jokingly asked each other what if it was positive? How will we feel? Having a kid was not in our plans this early. And for me, I was always 50/50 about having a child of my own. But we were good with the results either way. Time passed, and I picked up the digital test, and it read, “Pregnant”! I could not believe my eyes! I was shocked! I immediately thought of my friend and how her dream was my reality. Never in a million years did I think I would learn of my pregnancy through a dream of someone else.

How many pregnancy tests did you take?

Initially, I took one test at home and then a second test at a women’s clinic to confirm the pregnancy. I eventually took all four of the tests that I purchased from CVS.

Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant?

The only sign I noticed was my missed period. I did not feel any different in my body before then.

Who was the first person you told after finding out you were pregnant?

I first shared the news with my mother. I called her up and told her that I had something to tell her. I told her I was pregnant and sent her a photo of the pregnancy test. I remembered when I was in my 20s, I would ask her how she would feel if I ever got pregnant. Her response was always that she would support me and be happy to be a grandmother. At that time, I was nowhere near being in a loving relationship or close to being mentally prepared to be a mother. So, I knew she would feel just the same now that I was in a relationship that was filled with love and on our way to being married. She was as shocked as I was, but she assured me she was here for me and was excited to finally be a grandmother.

What did you want the gender of your baby to be?

I didn’t care about gender. My prayer was to have a healthy baby. However, my desire to have a girl did develop because my close friends were pregnant at the same time, and they were having boys. I wanted to break the trend with a girl. But God had a different plan and blessed my husband and I with a beautiful baby boy. I honestly believe God allowed my friends and I to have boys in the same timeframe because He knew we would need to rely on each other through motherhood. It has been a blessing to me to have a group of friends to go to about new boy mom stuff. We have been able to lean on each other for support in all stages of this journey.

Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process:

I was scheduled to arrive at the hospital on July 14 at 8:00 pm. We arrived 30 minutes behind and started the process of being admitted. We filled out a couple of paperwork and then were escorted to our labor and delivery room. At first, things started a little rocky because the room they placed me in didn’t have all the needed equipment. I began to feel uneasy, but I didn’t share it with anyone. I prayed instead. I asked God to bring me some calmness and make everything work together for my good. After that, a nurse came in and said I was moving to another room that was better prepared and bigger than the one I was in. I was so thankful for the switch. Before the switch, they had given me medication to soften my cervix. The medication was given to me every four hours, and it was a pill that was inserted into my vagina. I did NOT like the feeling of this process and dreaded those four hours each time. Because this was my first time being pregnant, I didn’t know what to expect the contractions to feel like. It wasn’t until maybe 6 am or 8 am the following day that I was told I was having contractions. I told my nurse that it felt like gas was stuck in my back. Then I realized I had been having contractions since 4 am that morning, but I didn’t know what was going on. So, for me, my contractions felt like gas stuck in my back. Time went on, and I could feel them more and more. It was time for my fourth pill to be given, and the nurse told me she had the magic touch, so I may go into active labor after this one. I don’t believe it was even 10 minutes that went by after she inserted the pill that the contractions kicked in heavier, and then my water broke. The breaking of my water felt like a huge waterfall was leaving my body. It was ongoing for several minutes. Shortly after my water broke, the bloody show followed. From what I was told, I was bleeding more than expected, and it became a concern for the nurses and my doctor. So, they monitored me closely for a while. Amid the water still flowing from me and bleeding, I felt the urge to pee.

I asked my nurse if she could help me to the restroom, and as I entered the bathroom, a massive blood clot left my body. But I did not panic. I returned to my bed and waited for my cervix to expand. My contractions were coming quicker and quicker, and they were powerful. The nurses noticed that the baby’s heart rate was dipping with each contraction, and my doctor recommended I get prepped for a c-section. During my c-section, I was awake and could feel the tugging going on, but no pain was present, of course. However, I was praying that everything continued to go as well as it had been. Yes, there were some concerns, but I kept thinking that as long as I’m aware, all is fine, and all will be fine. And it was! I witnessed the staff pull my baby out of my hands, place him under the lamp, and get him cleaned up. Hearing his cry was all I needed as confirmation that everything was fine and we had reached the end of this part of pregnancy.

What were your first words to your baby?

I remember saying, “Hello, baby”. This was the moment I cried because I was filled with so much joy to finally be at this moment safely with him.

What was the epidural experience like?

My epidural experience was one that I was hoping not to have. I am not a fan of needles, and there are certain areas of my body that I am very sensitive about, and my back was one of them. I was told that I had the best anesthesiologist administering the epidural. I felt confident in my nurse’s statement and hoped for such. Unfortunately, she had a tough time locating or getting the needle in the correct area of my back. So, I was poked a total of two times before getting the needle in on the third try. The process was painful and one I would not want to experience again. If I were to get pregnant again, I would be willing to bear the pain of the contractions before getting poked again.

What was the worst experience during pregnancy?

In the Summer of 2021, I went on a girl’s trip to Miami, and on that trip, we had a dinner where we shared our fears. My fear was always getting pregnant and having a tough pregnancy. I have friends that dealt with miscarriages and delivering earlier than the due date. Also, statistically, Black women at my age are at higher risk of having complicated pregnancies. I was scared to experience pregnancy because of what I knew. I felt if I had a difficult pregnancy, I would not be able to handle it all. But God! God calmed my fears, and, well, really, He took them away! When I read the test results, fear was not present. Excitement took over. There was a peace over me that was like no other. I had no morning sickness, no food aversions, no complications throughout my pregnancy.

How much weight did you gain?

Now, remember I was preparing for a wedding the following year. So, I was on a fitness journey that started November 2021. I was 154 pounds pre-pregnancy and had reached 180 at my last doctor’s appointment.

When was your expected due date, and when did you give birth?

My expected due date was July 19, 2023,which was based on my last period. But I remember when I went to the women’s clinic to confirm pregnancy by ultrasound. The ultrasound measured that I was ahead, and my due date would be July 15, 2023. At every OB appointment, I was measuring ahead and knew that I would not give birth on July 19. As time went on, my OB said she would not advise that I go the full 40 because my baby boy was measuring big. I would jokingly tell her that I did not want to push out a 9lb or bigger baby, so I was not against a c-section. I volunteered to be induced on July 14, and I gave birth by cesarean on July 15, 2023, at 3:29 pm.

Did you have any health complications during or after childbirth?

One week after giving birth, I developed postpartum preeclampsia. I went in for a one-week follow-up with my doctor, and my blood pressure was at 150/90. They rechecked it, and it had risen to 170. My doctor instructed me to go to the hospital to receive further care. When I arrived at the hospital, which was less than 5 minutes away from my doctor’s office, it was 180. It was the scariest moment of my life because I felt fine in my body. There were no signs that my blood pressure was high. No headaches. No white lights/spots, Nothing! It was one of my fears coming true. I was checked in and received care for two days. I was given Magnesium to prevent me from having a stroke and another medication to help bring my blood pressure back to normal. During my stay, my husband and son were able to stay with me, which brought me some comfort that I wasn’t going to be alone. The care I received in the hospital was excellent. The staff was encouraging and informed me that my body was reacting positively to the medication. After being released, I was prescribed blood pressure medication and instructed to check my pressure daily to ensure that it remained in the normal range. I was only to report back to the hospital if it rose to 150/90. Thankfully, I can say that my blood pressure returned back to its normal range after finishing my medication, and I didn’t need to stay on the medication after my one-month follow-up.

Anything outrageous happened at the hospital?

The only thing I found to be outrageous was when a big blood clot dropped as I was walking to the bathroom. It was alarming to everyone else, but I didn’t panic. And while in surgery to give birth, the top anesthesiologist started arguing with my doctor about when my husband could come in. I was thinking to myself, “Sir, you are out of line!” I made sure to make a complaint about that because that was not the time for him to pick a fight and be rude.

What’s the best thing you enjoy about being a mom?

The best thing I enjoy is knowing that I was called to be a mom. So, whenever I’m faced with a difficult moment, I know I’m equipped with the tools I need to be the best mom for my son. I also enjoy the fact that I get to do motherhood alongside two of my sisters. God knew we would need each other for support as we navigate being new moms to boys. Being a mother also shows your strength as a woman. I have learned that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for and that I’m better at multitasking than my husband.

What has been the most challenging part of being a mom?

The most challenging part early on was defeating the question, “Am I doing this right?” I struggled the most, wondering if I’m doing this right. Am I feeding him enough? Am I feeding him too much? Am I doing enough to help his development? Eventually, this doubt was no more because I stopped looking at all the Instagram moms and baby posts and started doing what I felt was right for my baby and I.

What are some misconceptions regarding motherhood or the road to motherhood?

I think motherhood is glamorized way too much! It is a beautiful journey, but it is TOUGH. It is no walk in the park. Mostly, the struggle isn’t caring for the baby but caring for yourself and your marriage while being a mom. The changes that happen within your body are not discussed enough. I’ve had to relearn my body, and a year later, I finally feel some sense of normalcy again.

Describe your experience as a bonus mom and what the transition was like for both children:

Life as a bonus mom has been sweet. I have two bonus boys and one bonus daughter. I met them when they were ages 4 and 1. It has been a beautiful sight to watch them grow up from babies to big kids. As their bonus mom, I do not overstep, but I serve as an extra layer of love and support. I enjoy learning about what they’re into and try to be intentional about building our relationships with authenticity. Being their Bonus Mom at this stage in their lives is also preparing me for the older years with Zion. We recently had our oldest son visit us for the Summer. And it was the first time that Zion and he met in person. I wasn’t concerned because kids are innocent and sweet from the start. It has been beautiful watching them bond. Our oldest is eight years old and he has been the best big brother to Zion. He has helped Zion to walk and play more effectively with his toys, and he makes his little brother laugh out loud all the time. Zion literally wakes up looking for his older brother now.

Any do-overs or regrets:

The only thing I regret doing was not taking the baby aspirin all the way through my pregnancy. It was recommended that I do so in my second trimester, and because my blood pressure was always good, I didn’t see a need for it. I believe that if I’d continued to take it up until birth, I might not have developed post-preeclampsia.

What was the transition like for your household/baby returning to work, choosing daycare, etc?

I was able to stay home with my son for six months before returning to the workforce. The transition was easy for me. I began applying for jobs in the insurance industry and was lucky to find a work-from-home position at a local agency. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to work from home and care for my son, so I began searching for daycare centers in our area. It was kind of difficult because I didn’t know anyone who could provide trusted recommendations, so I had to rely on my gut instincts and Google reviews. I visited four daycare centers before making my final decision. I loved the daycare I chose because the director had a homely aura to her, and she was the first person my son went to while we did the tours. He seemed to feel safe with her, which made me feel good. He has been at this daycare for six months now, and he adores the staff, and they also adore him.

Any takeaway or advice?

My advice to new moms would be to enjoy the journey! Soak up all the milestones before birth. Don’t get caught up in the apps and everyone’s story. Your story is your own and it will never be like someone else’s, and that is perfectly fine. Just know that you were made for this life.

Who was the photographer behind your maternity shoot?

I chose to take a few DIY maternity photos at a local rose garden in Sacramento.

About The Author