I love adding to my life, good experiences, big or small. I enjoy spending time with my tribe. My hubby and the Fantastic 4 keep me company and busy. Take a bite out of life, it’s there to enjoy!
How many children do you have?
I have four children: A 12-year-old girl, she’s my little artist. A 7 -year-old boy, we call him our genius because he’s in the first grade but reads on a 5th grade level. A 2-year-old boy and he’s very athletic. He shows a lot of machismos. He’s into sports and wrestling. And then we have a little baby girl, who’s eight weeks now and she is feisty. She reminds me of my 7-year-old, they have similar personalities.
What is the back story for each pregnancy?
All of my pregnancies were unique. I was 28 years old when I had my first child. I didn’t know what I was doing or what to expect. There was some newness about it. She was the first grandchild in our family. I was 27 weeks pregnant when I had her. She was 1 pound and had to stay in the NICU for 3 months. That was really challenging for me because it was hard to be away from her for one day. I went every single day. I had to miss a couple of days because one day I sneezed, and my incision came apart. I had to have my staples applied again. Now she’s 12 years old and thriving! She’s so independent and I tell her it’s because she was in the NICU for 3 months and had to tough it out on her own since we couldn’t be there to hold her through the night.
I didn’t plan my second pregnancy. I was scared with my second pregnancy because of everything I had gone through with my first pregnancy.
When I got pregnant the third time it was a little better. Although I dealt with high blood pressure and high blood sugar, my third pregnancy was the healthiest.
My last pregnancy with my daughter had its challenges but it was one of the most normal pregnancies. I call her my ride or die because we were at the doctor’s office every week. I had to stop working when carrying her and I could barely do anything. I could feel her kicking all the time, so I call her my “little fighter.”
When and how did you find out you were pregnant each time?
With my first pregnancy I was going to the restroom a lot. I thought it was a bladder infection. But I figured something had to be up, so I took a pregnancy test. My husband was so happy.
With my first son, I was eating a lot of meat. I would go back and forth to the market all the time. My husband questioned me, and I told him they have these deals at the meat market. I ate meat, but this was on another level. I was eating chicken, prime ribs, and steaks. He asked if I was pregnant, and I told him no. One day, I was dying my hair, and I was like, “Hmm, I wonder if I am pregnant?” I was on the phone with a friend, and she agreed I should get a pregnancy test. I went to the store, returned home, and took the test while on the phone with my friend. She’s a unique part of my pregnancy journeys because every time we reconnect or catch up, I’m pregnant.
Finding out I was pregnant with my baby girl was special because my friend’s son was at a pivotal point in his football career, and I felt like I was at a pivotal point in having kids. We were on the phone, and I told her I don’t think I’m having any more kids. It was my husband’s 40th birthday, and we were going out of town to celebrate. It was also Cinco de Mayo weekend. At the time, I thought I had a bladder infection, and she told me, “Well, you may want to get a pregnancy test.”. I was like “oh no, it’s Cinco de Mayo weekend, and I want to drink. I asked my husband to stop by the store and I grabbed a pregnancy test. We went back home and to my surprise I was pregnant. I showed my husband the pregnancy test and he was so excited! He said, “God wants us to have more kids!” My husband was happy and excited about each of our pregnancies.
Which pregnancy was most memorable, and why?
All of my pregnancies were memorable when I made it to 27 weeks. Because that’s when I had my daughter and that was the measuring stick for me. I was so afraid I was going to have another early delivery as I did with her. So whenever I made it pass 27 weeks, I felt like I could breathe. Then hearing each of their heartbeats were special. I had my first son at 30 weeks and then that became the second measuring stick. If I could just maintain and get past 27 weeks and then 30 weeks, I could breathe. I was always trying to make sure I got better with each pregnancy.
With your son and daughter who were born premature, were there complications to cause you to deliver early?
I have an incompetent cervix. So, it’s hard for me to carry babies. Which also caused me to miscarriage in a few pregnancies as well. With my daughter, I was pre-gestational diabetic, but with my son I was full blown diabetic. I had to take insulin and I wasn’t used to all that. It was very challenging with those two pregnancies.
What was your worst experience during each pregnancy?
It would have been with my second and third pregnancy. I experienced preeclampsia in my second pregnancy. My blood pressure was high during that pregnancy at 220/104 and it wouldn’t go down. I was told I would have to choose a date to deliver my son, so I chose the 22nd, that day. That was a scary time for me because I hadn’t experienced it before and really didn’t know what preeclampsia was. It was foreign to me at that time.
I also experienced the same thing with my last pregnancy, but it was worst than before. My blood pressure was elevated for two days after giving birth. The second part of my last pregnancy that made it challenging as well was my daughter was born with clubfoot. She was diagnosed with it at 20 weeks in the womb, and they would tell me she may have spina bifida, and that scared me. I was scared but faithful. But at 26 weeks pregnant, my doctor informed me that she doesn’t have spina bifida, and I was just happy and said I’ll take on the foot challenge.
Since giving birth she has been through foot casting every week. There has been challenges and it has been very hard for her because she’s in a lot of pain. She is eight weeks old enduring all of this and she can’t speak for herself. So, its mentally and emotionally taxing to see your child endure this while also going through postpartum yourself. But my husband and I have had to depend on one another and it has pulled us closer together. He has been encouraging and believing that what don’t kill us, will make us stronger.
Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant each time?
With each pregnancy I started going to the restroom a lot that I though I had a bladder infection. That was the sign for me and prompted me to take a pregnancy test each time.
Other than your firstborn, were you able to guess the gender of the next child? If so, how?
My first pregnancy I wanted a boy, but I knew it would be a girl, because you never get what you want the first time. The second time, my husband said whoever controls the “race” that’s the gender. He drove. (LOL) So, that’s how we determined the gender each time. But all in all, I couldn’t get my son’s gender right.
How did each child feed- bottle-fed, breastfed?
All of them were breastfed. My last daughter she is both breastfed and formula fed. And that’s only because of the challenges that we are facing after my pregnancy. But I want to be able to give her more breastmilk than formula. So, I’m remaining hopeful that I will be able to do that for her.
Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process for each pregnancy?
With my first daughter it was a regular routine appointment. I was experiencing cramping on the way there. My doctor told me it was Braxton Hicks. They monitored me for a couple of hours and they were going to release me but I couldn’t get out of the bed. So they moved the monitoring bands down and went to get the doctor. Come to find out I’d been having contractions from the time I arrived at 9am to 1pm that day. My husband and I went to the hospital after that. Because it was early in my pregnancy, we didn’t tell anyone because we wasn’t sure what the outcome would be. It was a scary experience. I delivered her at 5:30 that day and she was rushed to the NICU.
With my first son, I’d had a heated conversation with someone and my head would not stop hurting. I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was elevated to 200. I had to have him then at 30 weeks because my blood pressure was high.
My third pregnancy, I knew what was going to happen. He sat high and I felt he was going to come when he was ready. We went to the hospital as planned with him but when they tried to get him out, they had to call for assistance. I delivered him at 37 weeks.
My last pregnancy was scheduled to go in at 37 weeks since I was declared a high-risk pregnancy. We arrived at the hospital on December 12. We had a little hiccup with anesthesia, and I had to put to sleep for my c-section this round because she could not find whatever she needed to place the epidural.
Did you get an epidural each time? If so, why or why not?
Yes, because I delivered via cesarean with each pregnancy.
What has been the most challenging part of parenting multiple children?
Their needs. Everyone has a different type of need. We will always have kids at different stages of adolescence and adulthood. They’re all different. I have an artist, I have a gamer, my last two need more cuddles. So catering to the different needs is challenging because you are pulled in different directions and you don’t want to neglect them or have them become jealous. Then on top of that I have to be there for my husband and create that space for us.
What are some misconceptions about being a mom with multiple kids?
The misconception that people have is believing that we don’t need help because we’ve done this before. When the reality is we need the help even more. Even if it’s just to have someone to talk to. The pregnancies are all different so the needs of a mother will not be the same as before. Because postpartum is when a mother need the most support no matter how many times she has been through it before.
Is there such a thing as having a favorite child? Or maybe a child that is closely bonded to one parent than the others? If so, describe that bond. Also, how do you go about it while ensuring it is not apparent to other kid(s).
I don’t have a favorite but each bond is unique. I watch the show Sisterwives and I always say how can he love all these women. I get it now. (LOL) They are all different but I love them all the same.
What are the characteristics of each child, and who does it resembles the most between the parents?
I see myself in each of them and my husband as well. My youngest is a little feisty like me. My 2 year old is emotionally in tune like me. My oldest son is a talker like me. My oldest is an introvert but knows what she want to do with her life, like me.
Knowing what you know now as a mother, what would you do differently if you were given that opportunity? (any moment or timeframe)
I would educate myself on doctors who specialize in high-risk pregnancies and medical treatment for Black women. I would have done more research on holistic methods and not relay heavily on pharmaceutical medicine.
Any take away or advice?
Slow and steady wins the race. Don’t rush yourself through pregnancy and don’t rush yourself through postpartum. Take your time during this journey. There is no perfect picture.
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