My Unexpected Miracle: Harriett Paye

When and how did you find out you were pregnant?

I will never forget March 2008. At 21 years old, I was enjoying college life to the fullest. On that particular day, as I was heading to my cousin’s house, a seemingly random question she asked triggered an unexpected reaction from me. I don’t recall the exact question now, but I became extremely upset and started yelling at her. In the midst of our heated exchange, my cousin exclaimed, “Damn, Ladygirl, are you pregnant?” The sudden question caught me off guard, instantly silencing my anger. I responded calmly, “Why would you ask that? Why on earth would I be pregnant, Eretta?”

My cousin looked at me intently and replied, “Well, you’ve been acting strangely! You just went off on me for no reason.” At that moment, a silent contemplation took over as I wondered about the timing of my last period. “I just had a period,” I thought to myself. I asked my cousin to drive us to the nearest CVS, where I hurriedly purchased three pregnancy tests. I decided to take the tests in the CVS bathroom. Each one displayed a positive result. Overwhelmed by this revelation, I screamed, rushed out of the restroom, and bought three more tests.

We sped to my mother’s house, driving recklessly at 45 mph in a 25 mph zone (a behavior I do not recommend). As soon as we arrived, I dashed into the downstairs half-bathroom, tearing open all three boxes of tests. Once again, all three showed positive results. My cousin and I exchanged blank stares, the reality sinking in. I asked her to drive me to my boyfriend’s house at the time, who was also the father of the baby.

When we arrived at my boyfriend’s house, I handed him one of the pregnancy tests. He glanced at the test, then looked at me with a mix of surprise and concern. He asked, “What are you going to do?” In response, I rolled my eyes and replied, “Let’s go tell my mom.”

Upon reaching my mother’s house, we found her lying down. I mustered the courage to approach her and said, “Mommy, I have something to tell you. I am pregnant!” My mom shifted in bed and responded in her distinct Liberian accent, “Good for you.” We exchanged glances and quietly closed her door.

The following day, I had a heartfelt conversation with my mother. Overwhelmed with emotions, I burst into tears as I confessed that I was pregnant and felt too young to handle the responsibility of raising a child. At only 21 years old, I expressed my desire not to proceed with the pregnancy. Tears streaming down my face, I told her I did not want to have the child. My mother locked eyes with me and firmly stated, “What? No way. We don’t do that in this house.”

This is the first time I am openly discussing that abortion was considered an option when I first discovered I was pregnant. It is a topic that still evokes strong emotions within me, and I carry a sense of shame for even contemplating that choice.

Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant?

Apart from my cousin noticing my mood change, I didn’t have any other signs indicating that I was pregnant. Surprisingly, I was already three months along and had not experienced any physical symptoms commonly associated with pregnancy, such as vomiting, missed periods, or other typical signs. My monthly cycles were still occurring regularly.

Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy?

The first person I confided in about my pregnancy was actually my cousin Eretta who had a hunch before anyone else. She was present when I took the pregnancy tests to confirm the news. The second person to find out was the father of my child. Afterward, I shared the news with my mother, making her the third person I told about my pregnancy.

What did you want the gender of your baby to be?

I had a strong desire for a boy! Throughout my life, I have always been fond of boys. On the day we went to the doctor to find out the gender of my baby, I had envisioned the doctor being the one to reveal it. However, unexpectedly, the father of my child blurted out, “Yup, I knew it, it’s a girl,” before the doctor even had the chance to announce it. I felt frustrated and annoyed by his outburst. It took me a couple of days to come to terms with the fact that I was indeed having a girl. (Huma, if you ever read this, know that I love you, girl.)

However, my baby girl, Huma, has become my everything. She is incredibly affectionate and caring, and my love for her knows no bounds. Despite my initial longing for a boy, I have embraced the joy and love that my daughter brings into my life.

What was your worst experience during pregnancy?

My first worst experience was going through so many testing because I was already three months pregnant when I found out I was pregnant and telling my doctor how I was partying my young college life away. My doctor recommended all those tests to make sure my baby was healthy.

My second worst experience was the lack of weight gain. I was not gaining enough weight, and it got to the point where my baby was getting bigger, but my body was not. I had to start counting my baby kicks. This was a scary time for me. My baby stopped moving, and I had to count every time she moved or kicked. I was provided with a pink paper and pencil where I could write down every time my baby kicked or moved. I remember I would walk around with the pink paper and pencil to keep count of the kicks and movements. I had to count the kicks for almost three weeks. It was annoying and terrifying.

I remember every time we went for an ultrasound. My baby would be in there balled up. She’ll stretch about 4-5 times a day, and that was it. I thought to myself, “what type of baby doesn’t like moving!” but now that she’s ten years old, all she does is kick and does karate in her sleep.

How much weight did you gain?

According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, most women should gain somewhere between 25 and 35 pounds (11.5 to 16 kilograms) during pregnancy. However, I was on the other side of the spectrum. I only gained 10-15 pounds. I was a total of 130 pounds when I give birth. I did everything normal but could not gain sufficient weight.

When was your expected due date, and when did you actually give birth?

My expected due date was December 4. I was extremely excited because that is my favorite rapper Jay-Z’s birthday. Therefore, I was looking forward to December 4, 2009. However, she came on November 9, 2009, which has become my personal holiday.

Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process?

I had a couple of scares when I was pregnant, and I was completely over being pregnant. I used to go to the mall and walk for hours because I heard it’ll make the baby come faster. My last prenatal visit before delivery, the doctor told me that I was two centimeters dilated and sent me home.

On the night of November 8, 2009, I was at home relaxing and started feeling contract pain. I told my daughter’s father, and he rushed me to the hospital. When we made it to the hospital, they checked me and said I was 3 centimeters dilated, but my water had not broken. They were about to send me home, but I looked at all the doctors and told them I was not going home and that I was having the baby at the hospital. I refused to go home; therefore, they kept me overnight.

The next morning, the pain had increased, and I was dilated further, but my water still had not broken. I was in so much pain and could not understand why my baby was not delivered already. I thought to myself, “is this the pain everyone talks about?!” As natural as I wanted to be, I threw it all out the window and started screaming for the epidural. My goodness, when they induced me, which I felt was more painful than pushing; it felt like God handed a new set of pain to me. It almost felt like the doctor was taking his precious time. He ignored my every cry and kept saying I was okay. When I started to throw up, that’s when he rushed in. They give me the epidural, and I laid down. I pulled my legs up and screamed, “I have to SH**.” Everyone in the room eyes was stretched out, looking at me. My mother was in disbelief and kept asking me if I could feel my legs? I screamed, “YES, I have to take a sh**.” My mother yelled for the doctor to get more epidural because I was up about to walk out. When the doctor entered the room, they rushed me back to the bed to check me, my daughter’s head was already out. After several pushes, she arrived Monday, November 9, 2009, at 11:09 am. Huma- Elizabeth Kou Gyasi was born and healthy.

Did You Get An Epidural?

Yes, but it was late and did not work. I was able to stand within 10 to 15 minutes of receiving it. As a result of getting the epidural, I have horrible back pain, to the point I cannot sit or stand for too long without my back feeling like it’s on fire.

Do you remember your first words to your baby?

When the doctor laid my daughter on my chest, my first words to her were, “Oh shit, what did I just do?” I laugh now because, again, I was a confused 22-year-old young woman giving birth to another human. I was also in awe of how beautiful she was and how much hair she had.

Did you have any health complications during or after childbirth?

The most significant complication I had was being cut up while giving birth. This process is called an “episiotomy,” which is a surgical incision to enlarge the opening for the baby to pass through. I was cut and stitched back up afterward. After three days in the hospital, my baby and I went home. After several hours at home, I went to use the restroom, and all my stitches ripped. I was transported back to the hospital to be snitched back up.

The second significant time was when my daughter was four months old. I caught a really bad flu and had to be kept away from her for about a week and a half. After returning to her, she no longer wanted to be breastfed. I was heartbroken! My goal was to breastfeed her for at least a year. I tried everything to breastfeed but, but she wanted milk from the bottle. After about two weeks, my milk dried up, so I gave up and transitioned to formula.

What’s the best thing you enjoy about being a mom?

The best thing I enjoy about being a mother was watching my 5 pounds 7 oz baby grow into such a beautiful ten-year-old girl with a personality of her own. As cliché it may sound, I have a mini best friend. I enjoy watching her grow and seeing how she is able to make decisions on her own. One of my favorite moments with my daughter is how she got to see me grow into the woman I am today. She’s interested to know the things I like, why I like them, and just me as a whole. She still thinks I’m old and not cool, but we’re working on that.

I enjoy seeing how my 5 pounds baby has become this 80 something pound young lady who has a beautiful mind of her own. I enjoy the challenges that motherhood comes with; some were very difficult; however, I made it and still making it.

What has been the hardest part about being a mom?

I would say being a single young mother is the hardest part. I am juggling raising a child, working full-time, continue my education, and maintaining a social life. At times managing all of this weight can be challenging and overwhelming, and it becomes emotional. However, the sound of “mommy” gives me the strength to push through and do my best as a mother.

Anything outrageous happened at the hospital?

My mother is a nurse, and she was with me at the hospital. There were times during delivery; I think my mother thought and felt she was my nurse. She criticized everything the nurses did and called them more than I did. I had to remind her I wasn’t her patient.

Any do-overs or regrets:

None.

Any take away or advice?

During childbirth, the pain gets real after your water breaks. I am not trying to scare anybody, but the pain was real. I applaud the mothers’ that experienced the water break before contractions, you go through all that pain the entire time, and I do not understand how they do it.

However, every mother has their own birth story. Not one is alike. No matter how old or young you are, your mother remembers every detail about the day you were born. Motherhood is beautiful. My daughter is the only person who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.