Tell us about you and your family

My name is Chastity Green. I was born and raised in Killeen, Texas, a small military town in Central Texas (about 45 mins from Austin). My dad was in the army, so I was raised as a military brat (No, he wasn’t the drill sergeant type, lol). Although my dad was in the military, we all felt like we were too. My dad was always gone because of deployments, so it felt like my mother was a single mother. Growing up living the military life was crazy. My dad was deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, and many states around the U.S. for military duties. However, my family was fortunate to remain stable in the city of Ft. Hood, which is uncommon for a typical military family because they move every other year to a new base depending on their line of duty. So when I say use the term “crazy,” I think of it more as how blessed and fortunate my family was to remain stable and grounded. Another thing I am grateful for is that although my dad was deployed a lot, he never missed significant events. He always made a way for the important things i.e., graduations, birthdays, summer vacations, prom, etc. It was tough because the thought of something happening to him lingered in our minds. My dad consistently made sure he spoke with us daily, whether it was a video call or a telephone call, and when more than three days went by without hearing from him, it became a sense of urgency for us. My mom was the strongest through it all. When I became a mother, is when I realized my mother’s strength. She did everything she could to ensure we lived as normal of a life as possible. She was the glue to the family and held us together, and for that, I appreciated my mom more than ever as she dealt with the cards given to her. My mom raised three girls pretty much by herself, and she’s the epitome of strength. She played the role of a mother and beyond and never skipped a beat, tired or not. Every day she did it for us without us ever seeing how tired she was. Now, as a mother, I fully comprehend why she pushed through with every fiber in her body because even with a very involved spouse, I still feel exhausted at times!

After high school, I left Killeen to attend the University of Houston, where I received my Bachelor of Arts in Sociology in 2017. From 2013- 2016, I worked as a waitress for Pappas Restaurant Inc. In 2016, during my sophomore year of college, I was blessed with my first child, Chaseton, who is now seven years old. I was a single mother while attending college for about two and a half years before I joined a happily progressive relationship with my fiance, Anthony, of almost four years now! We now have a 6-month-old baby girl. I became a high school teacher in 2021, teaching Career and Technical courses to prepare students for their desired careers. Currently, I am attending Lamar University for my Master’s Degree in Counseling and Development with a Specialization in Marriage and Family Therapy. My hobbies include interior design, traveling, cooking, trying new restaurants, blogging, shopping, and scrapbooking!

How many children do you have?

I have two children, one boy, and one girl, as I always wanted.

When and how did you find out you were pregnant each time?

With my firstborn, I did not find out I was pregnant until three months in because I still had my menstrual cycle. Then all of a sudden, one month, I missed my period. One day after that, I went to get some Taco Bell, took one bite, and instantly threw it all up. I knew I was pregnant. I went home and took a test that came back positive, UNEXPECTEDLY!

My second child, my daughter, was somewhat planned. We weren’t planning against it because we wanted a child together. So, when I missed my cycle, I instantly knew I was pregnant because of how exhausted I was! However, I took a pregnancy test to confirm, and to my surprise, it was positive. It was two weeks before Valentine’s Day; therefore, I thought I could wait to surprise my fiancé. However, because my man is literally my best friend, I couldn’t keep a secret that big from him. I tried to wait but ended up caving in. I purchased a cookie from Crumbl Cookies that same day I took the test and gave it to him as a pregnancy announcement that night. He didn’t understand how to read the pregnancy test with the lines, but I’m glad I also took a digital one! When he saw the digital test clearly read “pregnant,” he was shocked. But happiness and reality began settling in as he realized he was going to have his very own seed.

Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant each time?

With my son, I was exhausted. I worked as a waitress at the time. I was always working doubles because I was preparing to go on vacation. I would come home between shifts and take a nap every day. I thought I was exhausted from working so much, and I didn’t think anything else of it because I didn’t experience any other symptoms. I still had my menstrual cycle for three months.

With my daughter, I instantly knew I was pregnant when my menstrual cycle was about two weeks late. I also began using the restroom so much that I would almost use it on myself because I couldn’t hold it. I was tired, queasy, and incredibly moody.

Which pregnancy was most memorable, and why?

Both pregnancies were completely different, and it honestly would be hard to choose one that was the most memorable. Each pregnancy changed me in ways that I needed and blessed me in ways I couldn’t even imagine.

My pregnancy with my son as a single mother hit differently because during and every day after that, I looked into my Son’s eyes, watched his smile, and heard his laugh. I am constantly reminded of my strength as a mother, my sacrifices, the love I crave, and the overwhelming joy of watching him grow. To know that if I don’t do anything else right, I work so hard to make sure that we make such great memories that last forever. Because of this pregnancy, I firmly believe in the quote “A woman will always remember how she is treated during a pregnancy.”

When I had my daughter, she was somewhat planned and somewhat unexpected as far as timing. However, my fiance and I were so happy that we were surprised but blessed with this pregnancy because he wanted to give me what I missed during my first pregnancy. I was glad to have my daughter, whom I always wanted, and he was delighted to have his first child. This experience was also memorable because I got a “Do Over,” which was well worth it. My family is complete, and we couldn’t be any happier!

What was your worst experience during each pregnancy?

I was a single mother during my first pregnancy because my child’s father did not want to be a part of it. Therefore, I went through the entire pregnancy without him. It is not how I planned my pregnancy to be! When I told him I was pregnant, he blew it off and said he didn’t want another child. When he said “another child,” I instantly became furious because I never knew about the first child. Talk about being deceived! Being in denial, I attempted to invite him to a doctor’s appointment regarding our baby’s gender in hopes that he would accept his responsibilities and change his mind. I always left the door open for him to do his part. However, he questioned why I did not get an abortion because I knew he didn’t want the child. You can imagine the amount of emotional pain and everything else a pregnant woman has to go through while adding an absent parent from the start to the end.

For this reason, I endured my pregnancy journey alone, without his dad! When I found out I was pregnant, I became a single parent. And when my son came into this world, I did everything on my own, as his father did not contribute. I had my family and friends as my supportive network (an incredible support system), but it’s different! Imagine going to doctor’s appointments and the constant questions containing “Does the child’s father….?”. I planned my baby shower alone! I didn’t have a counterpart to pay for daycare while working full-time. I didn’t have someone to pick him up from school when I had to work late, so I sometimes incurred late charges. I had to bring my son in the bathroom with me while I used the bathroom or even took a shower because all eyes needed to be on him. I didn’t have the luxury to pick up and go out whenever I wanted. I had to use my sick days at work and stayed up late when he got ill.

I was ashamed, upset, and depressed at times. Prayer was what got me through it and provided me with peace. I found harmony once I forgave myself for my mistakes and began to take accountability for my part and my part only. The rest would play itself out so long as I was not bitter or remained angry at the situation because I felt it would block my future blessings. My child became my primary purpose. There, focusing on the negative was not in me anymore. All that energy became redirected towards things I could control rather than those I could not. Nonetheless, I greatly respect mothers, particularly single mothers, because they hold a special place in my heart. After all, I lived it and grasped very well the struggles of a single parent.

With my daughter, the most challenging part of my pregnancy was that I was always tired. To feel exhausted all the time was hard. I also started an internship while working full-time, caring for my son, and preparing to move homes, so I had a lot on my plate during this pregnancy. All the stress came at once, eventually leading me to be high-risk pregnancy, and constantly being monitored at the hospital was more frustrating than anything.

What was different about each pregnancy?

Each pregnancy was different in so many ways.

Boys are different. They are easy, chill, and laid back. I coasted through my first pregnancy with my son. I only got sick twice. I was able to work up until I was eight months pregnant. I went through the pregnancy alone, but I had a lot of energy and was mentally prepared. I was very peaceful and took part in a lot of self-care.

My pregnancy with my daughter was completely different. I was sick. Utterly sick of everything and everyone. I was tired, drained, and exhausted all the time. I had terrible heartburn, drank gallons of water daily, was borderline preeclampsia, craved many different things, and gained the most weight being pregnant. However, through it all, I had my fiance, who catered and supported me, which made a big difference.

Other than your firstborn, were you able to guess the gender of the next child? If so, how?

I was definitely able to guess the gender of my second child. My girl had me sick! This pregnancy was the complete opposite of my first, which was a boy. I had always been told that pregnancies with girls are more challenging. That’s when I knew I was having a girl. You know that myth “If you carry high or low, you’ll be able to guess the gender of the baby.” My guess was accurate as to how I was carrying.

How much weight did you gain each pregnancy?

This was one of my main concerns when I got pregnant because I easily gain weight and it’s always hard to lose. I wanted to stay slimmer but ensure my children received all their nutrients. During my first pregnancy, I was young and active. I gained about 30 pounds when it was all said and done. I breastfed with my son so I easily lost all that weight after giving birth. Thank God!

When I was pregnant with my daughter, it was harder to stay fit and healthy because all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. I had many, many cravings during this pregnancy. I had never weighed over 200 pounds before. I gained a total of 45 pounds by the time I gave birth. But with that came many complications. I had high blood pressure, borderline preeclampsia, and borderline gestational diabetes, which explained the reason I was always tired.

When were your expected due dates, and when did you actually give birth to each child?

My expected due date for my son was February 14, 2016, but I delivered him on January 28, 2016.

My daughter was due on October 1, 2022. She came early on September 7, 2022.

Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process for each pregnancy.

My Son- I went in for a routine appointment to check to see how the baby was growing and the fluids. I was 37 weeks and four days. After checking, they said that my amniotic fluids were low and that I needed to go straight to the hospital so that I could get induced. I went across the street to the hospital. Luckily, I had a feeling that he was going to come soon, so I already had his bag in the trunk. I called my family, who rushed from Killeen to get to my side. They gave me Pitocin to jump-start labor, and the contractions started rolling in. I was dilating so slowly. The pain began worsening, but I wanted to make it through without the epidural because I didn’t want lingering problems. I got up to use the bathroom, and the pain intensified. I requested the epidural at 8cm dilated after having been in labor for nearly 24 hours. Once the epidural kicked in, I relaxed and took a nap. About 45 minutes later, the doctor checked me because my contractions were off the charts. I was ready to push. After two pushes, my son slid right on out!

My Daughter- I had had blood pressure complications most of the pregnancy and suffered from mild preeclampsia. I was in and out of the hospital for monitoring because they said her movement wasn’t picking up, and her heart rate kept dropping. I was in and out of the hospital for about two weeks because they were trying to get me as close to 37 weeks as possible. At 36 weeks and five days, they scheduled me for a C-Section. I was terrified. I asked a million and one questions. I had never had a major surgery before, and certainly, not one where I was awake. A c-section birth differs from a vaginal birth I had with my son. The doctor had a little trouble pulling her out because, within the time of my last ultrasound and the c-section, she turned a 180. I could feel her yanking and tugging on her, which she said could have ended terribly if we didn’t have the c-section when we did. I was scared because I didn’t hear her initial cry. Then she did, and the doctor said she was startled when she came out.

Did you get an epidural each time? If so, why or why not?

With my son, I tried my hardest not to cave and get the epidural because I had heard so many bad things about it. I dilated slowly, and I was in so much pain. I got up to use the restroom, and in the midst, a contraction hit, and boy, did it hit me! I asked the nurse to check me because I was sure I was 10 cm, and my son was ready to come. Sadly, she checked, and I was only 8 cm. I yelled, “BRING ME THE EPIDURAL NOW!” I had been in labor for almost 30 hours since I was induced. Plus, I couldn’t take any more pain. Once they gave me the epidural, my son was here within that next hour.

With my daughter, I had a C-section. So no pain. I had a spinal block. Spinal blocks provide total pain relief, while epidurals provide partial pain relief. However, the recovery was worse than an epidural because it was considered a major surgery. Recovering and caring for a newborn was challenging, but I overcame it!

Do you remember your first words to each child?

I honestly don’t remember if I said anything to my son because I was crying when he was born, but I’m sure it was “Mommy’s Baby”.

I said to my daughter, “I love you, Hot Cheeks.” Her cheeks were so cute and chunky.

How did each child feed- bottle-fed, or breastfed etc.? Was it easy or challenging?

I always wanted to breastfeed my children because my mom did with all three of us, so that’s all I knew, plus it’s free! I also wanted that special bonding time with my babies when I breastfeed. However, I am here to tell you this was the toughest thing I had to do aside from giving birth. Everyone thinks, “baby is hungry; whoop, pull out my boob, and milk is here!” There’s more to it than that! My nipples hurt all the time. My breast grew three sizes, and I couldn’t fit any bras. One boob was always bigger than the other. I had to diet because what I ate baby ate, and I drank lots of water. I was sure I had set myself up for failure. Like, what did I get myself into!

I was a stay-at-home mom with my first child, so it was easier than being a working mom. I hardly had to pump. My Son was an attached baby. He always wanted to comfort suck and would cry when he couldn’t. For the first year, I could hardly go anywhere or leave him with others because he wouldn’t really take a bottle of expressed milk. This was the most challenging part of it all because mommy needs her time too! I used to beat myself up about this all the time. But it came full circle because I was a single mom, and I was all he knew. I had to learn to give myself grace. A woman’s body is immaculate!

With my daughter, my breastfeeding experience was the complete opposite. I enjoyed breastfeeding. However, I was a working mom. Working and having a newborn is not for everyone! It was a completely new experience like I had never had a child before. I created a pumping schedule for home and work to keep my milk supply consistent. I often pump at work in my car because I felt there weren’t any comfortable and sanitary places to pump within my workspace. Lugging around my pumping kit daily was super inconvenient. I switched to the ones you can place in your bra, which made a big difference. I dealt with leaking, engorgement, and nipple tenderness. Pumping started to become a chore. But I had to remind myself that every child and pregnancy is different. The most convenient part was/is being able to roll over and whip it out during night feedings rather than getting up and making a whole formula bottle! After all, she was in daycare compared to my son. My fiancé would also feed her from bottles of expressed milk, which helped immensely with the process. When she began eating solids, she drank less breast milk, and we began to supplement at times which also helped. The challenging part was finding the right formula to supplement. She is very sensitive, so finding the right things that she does not react to over time is still a process.

What has been the most challenging part of parenting multiple children?

The most challenging part of being a parent of multiple children is giving both the same amount of love and attention. My son is seven years old and an amazing big brother. As a newborn, my daughter requires so much attention that I was too tired to entertain my son as much as I used to.I noticed this and had to adjust to ensure he didn’t feel left out. I would also say it can be challenging financially because the cost of a newborn daycare is outrageous nowadays.

Anything outrageous happened at the hospital or birthing location?

Nothing outrageous happened. But I strongly dislike hospitals, so I must mentally prepare myself for hospital visits. With my daughter, the doctor kept discharging me and telling me to come back for monitoring. I eventually had to tell the doctors to get the baby out of me because they were doing too much.

Is there such a thing as having a favorite child? Or maybe a child that is more bonded to one parent than the other? If so, describe that bond. Also, how do you go about it while ensuring it is not apparent to the other kid(s).

Personally, I don’t believe there should be such a thing as parents having bonded more with one child, but they should make it a priority to ensure that they are securely connected with all their children. My children aren’t old enough for this to be manifested yet. My daughter is small, so, of course, right now, she demands a lot of attention. But I aim to give my son close to the same amount of attention for an equal balance.

What are the characteristics of each child, and who does it resemble the most between the parents?

My son is charismatic, funny, goofy, loving, and outgoing. He is sweet and well-mannered, such a lovable kid. He is a mixture of me and my family members.

My daughter’s total personality hasn’t quite shown yet, but I can tell she will be such a happy-go-lucky person. She is always smiling and laughing, hardly cries, and is giddy and smart. She catches on to things fast and seems to be very loving.

Knowing what you know now as a mother, what would you do differently if you were given the opportunity for a redo? (any moment or time frame)

I would have definitely waited. I was pregnant at a young age. Not that I can’t or don’t provide exceedingly and abundantly for my children, but I would have loved to be in a position where it would be a little bit easier. If I’m being completely honest, I would have chosen a different partner to have my first child with. The partner plays a significant role in your child’s life. I would have slept more when I had the chance. As a mother, your job never ends. It’s a 25/8 job, even when you have a supportive village. I would also take my approach to parenting rather than making parenting decisions based on my upbringing. You have to consider generational gaps; things may or may not work now as they did then. I would also have wanted to be married. I feel that, personally, it would have made a lot of difference as far as having a unified family.

Any takeaway or advice?

Let me tell you, breastfeeding, recovering from a c-section, and caring for a newborn all at the same time is not for the weak! Please ensure you have a reliable support system because I wouldn’t have made it without them! The pain after a C-section is terrible if you don’t keep it under control.

Also, every pregnancy and every child is different. Every parent is different. Give yourself grace because this special event in life is a learning experience. I promise there is always something new to learn with each child and pregnancy. What may work for the next parent may not work for you and your family. Or vice versa. As a mom, I’m always happy when I discover new life hacks that make my job easier! Prayer, Google, and Pinterest are my best friends on this journey!

To my single parents, I have been there. I know what it is like. And you too, will overcome it. The greatest reward is your child knowing who was there and what you did for them. They remember, and they watch EVERYTHING that you allow them to see. A child learns that most during the first 6-7 years of their life. Instill in them morals, values, and, most importantly, love. Bitterness and anger can block your blessings and take away from the energy you can give your child. Despite how hard it can be, You won the prize, your child(ren)! They deserve the best version of you.

Who captured your maternity shoot if you had one?

Unfortunately, I went into labor each time I planned my maternity shoot. With my son, I went into labor unexpectedly the weekend before I was supposed to take them. With my daughter, just about the same, except I was hospitalized on and off about two weeks before my c-section, so I had to keep rescheduling. Therefore, I never got to take maternity pictures. However, I wish I had planned to catch those moments earlier because if the Lord says the same, I’m definitely done having kids!