How many children do you have?
I have three beautiful children, one boy and two girls. My son is the eldest.
What is the back story for each pregnancy?
My son is my firstborn. I had him when I was 20 years old. I had just moved to Kansas to start a new life after a bad relationship. I uprooted from my hometown, so it took a lot of adjusting, and it was a tough time. While in Kansas, I lived with my sister, and she introduced me to my sons’ father. We started hanging out, and things started moving so fast. We went from being friends to hanging out every night, then a couple of months later, I found out I was pregnant.
My second child, my daughter, I was in a relationship with her father, who wanted to pursue his music career, so when I found out I was pregnant and told him, he immediately wanted an abortion. With my strong faith in God, I was completely against having an abortion. I’m a strong-willed person, so it was easy to do what I knew I had to do to protect the angel growing inside of me.
I recently had my third child (my 2nd daughter). Her father and I have been together for five years. We are engaged soon to be married. This pregnancy was planned; therefore, we were thrilled to know we were pregnant.
When and how did you find out you were pregnant each time?
What’s interesting is that with all three of my children, I knew I was pregnant before taking a pregnancy test. I know my body very well and always knew something was off.
I found out I was pregnant with my son after missing my cycle. At the time, I was working at Wal-Mart, so after my shift, I purchased a pregnancy test went home and took it. The test came out positive. Therefore, I was faced with the fear of telling my older sister because I had just moved in with her to attend college. When I did tell her, she called the father and informed him that he and I had to get our own place. Within two weeks, that is exactly what happened.
I found out I was pregnant with my middle child because I experienced morning sickness and missed my menstrual cycle. I took a pregnancy test, and it was negative. But I kept having symptoms; after speaking with a friend, I took her advice to take another pregnancy test. The following day I took an EPT brand pregnancy test, and this time it was positive.
With my youngest child, her father and I were trying to get pregnant. During the process, I would have signs (nauseous, cravings, and swelling of my boobs) that I could be pregnant, but the results would be negative when I took a pregnancy test. The negative results and symptoms occurred for about 3-4 months. In the fourth month, I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive.
Which pregnancy was most memorable, and why?
Each pregnancy was very memorable as I was proud to be carrying my bundles of joy. However, my last pregnancy was more intimate and filled with much more love because my fiancee and I were prepared, and the pregnancy was planned. I also had support from his family, which I never experienced from my oldest two children’s fathers.
What was your worst experience during each pregnancy?
The worst experience I had was with my second pregnancy. There was a possibility of my daughter having heart disease. With my last two pregnancies, I had to have sonograms every other week because of my blood pressure and the risk of having preeclampsia. During one of the ultrasounds, the doctor found that my middle child had an aortic valve that had to be monitored for the duration of my pregnancy. Weeks before my delivery date, the doctor determined that right after delivery, my baby would need emergency heart surgery.
What was different about each pregnancy?
Each pregnancy was different in the amount of support I had. With my 1st pregnancy, I had my sister and my son’s father, who were there for me. With my 2nd pregnancy, I had no support at all, to the point that when it came time for me to discharge from the hospital, I did not even have anyone to pick up my prescriptions. My last pregnancy was where I received the most support. My mother-in-law (my biggest support) went to doctor’s appointments with me. She even took a month off her job to help me with the kids after delivery. It was truly a blessing to have my mother-in-law and the rest of my fiancée’s family to help us through the entire pregnancy journey.
Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant each time?
With all my pregnancies, my intuition was on high alert. Each time I felt I was pregnant, I took a pregnancy test that confirmed it, except my last. My last was planned. Therefore, for six months, we were trying to get pregnant. Although I felt I was pregnant, the first pregnancy test I took came out negative. The following day I took a different brand pregnancy test, and it confirmed I was indeed pregnant.
Other than your firstborn, were you able to guess the gender of the next child? If so, how so?
I was only able to guess the gender of my second child. It was something about that pregnancy that was Godsent. I say that because when her father suggested an abortion, I told him no because it was a girl. The little girl I always wanted.
I thought I was having a boy with my last born, but her father knew it was a girl.
How much weight did you gain each pregnancy?
With my 1st born, I gained 50 pounds, ate everything in sight. With my 2nd born, I gained 30 pounds more so because I was stress the whole pregnancy. And with my last, I gained 20 pounds.
How did each child feed? Bottle-fed, breastfed, etc.
With each of my children, I breastfed for the first two months. I then transitioned them over to formula in time to return to work from maternity leave (Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA)). I felt like the two months was long enough for us to bond and for them to get their nutrients as I had to return to work.
When were your expected due dates, and when did you actually give birth to each child?
With all my children, I had to be induced.
My 1st born was supposed to be born on May 10, but my doctor induced me due to my blood pressure. Therefore, my son was delivered may 5th.
My due date for my 2nd born was February 21. My induction date was set for February 11; however, due to the cardiologist being out of town, she was delivered a week later, on February 18.
My last born due date was November 6, but she was delivered on October 24 due to my blood pressure.
Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process for each pregnancy?
For my first pregnancy (my firstborn), I was induced due to high blood pressure and preeclampsia. On May 5, the anesthesiologist came in and injected the Pitocin to start labor. I began to dilate rather quickly! My doctor was cautious about me experiencing too much pain, so my blood pressure wouldn’t spike. So she requested that I get the epidural when I dilate to 3 centimeters. The epidural process, I must say, was the worst pain I have EVER experienced my entire life. I am not sure if the anesthesiologist did not inject me with enough numbing medicine, but I felt the needle going up my spine every inch of the way. Not only could I feel the needle, but I was nervous and scared because they kept telling me not to move or I will be paralyzed for the rest of my life. Needless to say, that was the longest ten minutes of my life! After getting the epidural, I began to dilate quickly. Within 30 minutes, I was seven centimeters dilated. At that point, my sister, who accompanied me to the hospital, called my child’s father to inform him it was almost time for the baby to come. However, he was still out with his friends and kept telling her to hold on a minute, that he was finishing up something that he would be there soon. I was nine centimeters dilated, getting ready to deliver when my son’s father arrived. Fifteen minutes of pushing and my precious baby boy arrived at 8:38 pm on May 5, 2005. About an hour later, I was up and walking the halls as if I had not just pushed out a 6lb 3oz baby. We stayed in the hospital for one day and was discharged home with no complications besides a little Jaundice.
My middle child (my 1st girl) was a little more challenging with not much support. My daughter was diagnosed with an aortic valve, and the doctors said she would need open-heart surgery right after delivery. I was terrified the whole pregnancy but prayed every day for my baby’s heart to heal. Due to high blood pressure and the risk of preeclampsia, I was scheduled to be induced on February 11, 2013. However, when we arrived at the hospital on that date, and after being hooked up to the IV, right when the Pitocin was about to be administered to break my water. My doctor walked into the room just in the nick of time to stop the procedure because the cardiologist who would perform the heart surgery on my daughter was out of town on vacation. Therefore, the procedure was rescheduled for the following week, on February 18, 2013. I felt having the extra time was a blessing and a chance for me to go to God.
The Sunday before my new induction date, I went to church, and after service, I went to the pastor and asked him to pray over my stomach, pray for my baby girl, and ask God to heal her heart. February 18, 2013, came, and it felt like déjà vu all over again. However, this time everything went by smoothly since we were just there a week prior. I was taken to the room, hooked up to the IV, and this time they broke my water and started the Pitocin. Within an hour, I was four centimeters dilated. I held off on getting the epidural as long as I could and even consider not getting it because of my previous experience with my son. I was so frightened! My doctor jokingly fussed at me but serious at the same time and stressed that I needed to get the epidural ASAP to control my blood pressure. They ordered the epidural, and 30 minutes later, the anesthesiologist came into the room, and my heart began to race in fear. I explained my anxiety, and luckily it was an older black woman that was so compassionate and guaranteed I would be okay. She let me bear hug her while the other lady inserted the injection. They talked me through the whole process, and 3 minutes later, the injection was complete, and I did not feel a thing. An hour later, my doctor came in to check on me. Next thing you know, she called for the nurses to prep for the delivery because I was nine centimeters dilated.
Because I had no support in the room, although my baby’s father was there, he and I were not on good terms, and he was not supportive. My doctor had to tell him to come over and hold my hands to show me some support. Thirty minutes later, I was pushing as instructed. At least I thought I was pushing! The doctor informed me that I was not pushing and that I needed to push or the baby would be in danger. I was completely numb waist down due to the epidural, so the pushing I thought I was doing was not happening because my muscles were so relaxed. For this reason, my doctor took the scalpel and cut me, and my baby girl slid right out (this is called an episiotomy). She weight 5lbs 11oz. They took her immediately to the NICU and ran chest x-rays to check her heart. And to the Grace of God, my baby’s heart was perfectly fine. That was the best news I had received in my life. She stayed in the NICU for a week due to Jaundice. I stayed in the hospital for a couple of days due to the episiotomy.
My 3rd child (my second daughter) was the easiest delivery. My induction was scheduled for October 23, 2019. My father-in-law stayed with my two older kids while my fiancé, his mother, and sister accompany me to the hospital. There was an issue getting to my veins to get the IV started, so I experienced pain and lots of bleeding. Did I mention that I am terrified of needles! It took three nurses to get the IV started. Ironically it was the same day of the World Series, and that was all I heard the nurses talked about. I could hear them in the next room, watching the game and cheering on. This would have been okay if they were focused on what they were doing. And I am sure the distraction played a factor in the IV situation. My induction was delayed because my doctor order the procedure for the following day at 6 am. I was a little frustrated because I was instructed not to eat after 12 pm that day. So I was hungry! The next morning they started the Pitocin, and my water broke. The labor process began. I was three centimeters dilated when I was given the epidural with ease. By 1 pm, I was pushing. This was my fiancé’s 1st child, so I was more worried about him than myself, but he did great. He stood right by me and held my hand the whole time. I only had to push three times, and our baby girl was out. Once she was out, my fiancee cut the umbilical cord. Our baby girl was 5lbs 2oz and had Jaundice like my other two. For that reason, we stayed in the hospital for three days for her bilirubin levels to drop. By the 3rd day, the levels had not gone down completely, but they discharge us Saturday with the understanding that we will follow up with her pediatrician on Monday. As instructed, her pediatrician saw her Monday, and no concerns were noted. Our baby girl continues to be perfectly healthy.
Did you get an epidural each time? If so, why or why not?
Yes, for all three pregnancies, I got the epidural. I did not have a choice not to because of my blood pressure and high risk for preeclampsia. However, my birthing plan was not to get the epidural for my last pregnancy, but my doctor insisted I get it due to the risk of the pain elevating my blood pressure.
Do you remember your first words to each child?
My 1st words to all my children were the same coincidently, using their names, I said, “Hi, baby ___.”
Did you have any health complications during or after childbirth?
During all of my pregnancies, the only health complications were consistent high blood pressure and the high risk for preeclampsia!
What has been the most challenging part of parenting multiple children?
The most challenging part of parenting multiple children is treating each child/situation equally and fairly. That is with everything from time spent to discipline. I tend to be harder on the older ones and incredibly soft on the younger ones.
Anything outrageous happened at the hospital?
With my firstborn, when they came to give me the epidural, the anesthesiologist must have been new on the job or something because it did not seem he knew what he was doing. I felt the needle going up my spine. The thought that if I moved, I could end up paralyzed traumatizing as well. That was the longest few minutes of my life.
Although the delivery was a scheduled induction with my last-born, I had to wait 2 hours to get a room upon arrival at the hospital. It was the worst experience, and the Houston Astros were playing, so all the nurses were in the next room watching the game, and I literally did not get started on IV or anything until the game was over. Whenever they did start my IV, they poked me seven times, trying to find my veins. As a result, I had bruises on my arms for two weeks.
Is there such a thing as having a favorite child? Or maybe a child that is closely bonded to one parent than the others? If so, describe that bond. Also, how do you go about it while ensuring it is not apparent to other kid(s).
Yes, there is such a thing as bonding more with one child than the others, which was the case with my middle child. Because she was my 1st girl child, she was my angel, and I spoiled her rotten. To this day, she calls me her best friend. I remember I used to get onto my oldest child about what he did but would overlook what his sister did. My actions were pointed out to me a few times, and I began to work on them. I started disciplining her more and kept the same standards for her as her older brother. I even had to have a conversation with my son to let him know I love all of them the same, and they are all equal so that he could stop feeling like he was not equally loved as his sister.
What are the characteristics of each child, and who does it resembles the most between the parents?
My oldest is quiet and stays to himself most of the time but can be goofy at times. The quietness is from me, and the goofiness is his father.
My second born is very outspoken and loud, which I say is the inner me because when I was growing up, I was introverted but wanted to speak my mind. As an adult, I have grown into that extraverted person, so I say my son is who I was as a child, and my daughter is who I am now.
I cannot tell what characteristics my newborn has yet, but I am looking forward to it.
Knowing what you know now as a mother, what would you do differently if you were given that opportunity? (any moment or timeframe)
I would not trade any of my children for the world. However, if given the opportunity, I would probably alter the age I had them.
Any take away or advice?
Be sure that you are ready to have children because it is a full-time job for the rest of your life. Your babies will always be your babies, so love them and invest mentally, physically, and financially in them and their futures. Most importantly, pay attention to your lifestyle because children imitate what they see.
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Facebook @Shameka Hayes
