Love, Marriage, And Family: Staci Smith

How many children do you have?

I have two children: Olivia who is 8 years old and Jason “JJ” is 5 years old.

What is the back story for each pregnancy?

My pregnancy back story with Olivia is pretty funny. At the time my fiancé then, my husband now was not trying to have kids until after we were a few years into our marriage. We were planning our wedding during that time, and I had just gotten fitted for my wedding dress and was feeling good about it. My fiancée and I decided to travel to Austin, TX, to attend South by Southwest for the first time. The whole time we were there, my lower back was hurting, and I felt like blah. Blah meaning, I was nauseous, and it was a weird sickness I have never felt before. We knew something was off, so when we made it back to Houston after a fun weekend, we immediately purchased multiple pregnancy tests.

My second pregnancy with JJ was all planned. Since I was a little girl, I’ve known that I wanted my children to be three years apart if I had children—the significance behind the three years apart is that I’m three years older than my brother, and we were very close growing up. We weren’t too far apart in age, and that’s how I wanted my children to be. Therefore, right when Olivia was almost three, we started discussing the plans for JJ.

When and how did you find out you were pregnant each time?

Finding out I was pregnant with Olivia was a scary thing. We were smack in the middle of planning our wedding and had the dates already locked in for the day and our honeymoon. After we purchased the multiple pregnancy tests, we went back to our place, and I immediately took them. They all came out as positive. I remember my husband turning to me, saying, “I love you.” What you might think would be a loving moment turned into a selfish moment at the time. My response back to him was, “But my dress!” Yes, I know I was wrong, but being a first-time mother with a pregnancy that was not planned honestly had me in disbelief. However, deep down inside, I was happy.

My second pregnancy was planned. Therefore, it was not surprising. What was surprising is how fertile I didn’t know I was. Within a month and a half of trying to get pregnant, I found out I was pregnant. Before taking a pregnancy test, I knew I was pregnant. It’s a feeling! Also, my menstrual was late by a week or two, so I knew I was pregnant.

Which pregnancy was most memorable, and why?

My pregnancy with Olivia, I would say, is my most memorable. She was my first child, and being pregnant for the first time with all the experiences that came with it was indeed a blessing from God. An incredible experience! As you can imagine, I had to push up my wedding date so I wouldn’t look like a blimp on the day I got married.

What was your worst experience during each pregnancy?

With my first pregnancy, my worst experience by far had to be when it was time for discharge from the hospital, but they wouldn’t allow Olivia to leave because she hadn’t passed a bowel movement that they hoped she would have after birth. I had to go home in physical and mental pain because I had to leave my newborn baby at the hospital. Fortunately, my husband stayed the night at the hospital with Olivia. What really hurt was watching her layup in the NICU with other babies, and all we needed her to do was pass a bowel movement. Thankfully the very next day, she did it.

My worst experience with my second pregnancy was when I did my final push, and the doctor took JJ, and he was laid up, not crying. Not knowing too much at the time because I was so drugged up, all of the nurses were surrounding him, trying to get him to cry and take his breath. I was just so happy to have my baby! But looking at my husband, and seeing the concern on his face, worried me. However, it didn’t take too long for them to get JJ to cry.

What was different about each pregnancy?

Each pregnancy was very different. With Olivia, the way she was in my belly is the way she is today. Lively, bubbly, and the show stopper. Olivia was always moving and pop-locking in my belly. To me, it was fascinating to witness. A whole human being was inside my stomach moving around, and we were able to see the finger and feet imprints from the belly. Simply astonishing! When 40 weeks came around, Olivia still wasn’t ready to leave the oven. She was what my co-workers called “slow boogie.” She just wasn’t ready! After a few more days, my doctor suggested we have a labor induction. I was like, yes, please! Let’s do it! We had to wait to get a phone call from the hospital to let us know if they had an available room. Once we received that call, we were out! The doctor immediately put me on Pitocin to start the labor process. I was in labor for more than 13 hours. But after having Olivia, I was in the worse pain due to vaginal tear. It was something I have never experienced in my life. The pain from the tearing was worse than the actual child labor.

With my son, my pregnancy was easy breezy! The way my son was in my belly is the way he is today. He is very chilled out and in his own world. I did not experience any sickness with JJ, and I worked out my entire pregnancy up until 37 weeks. I went in for what I thought would be my final doctor’s appointment before having my son, but when the nurse checked my cervix, she informed me that I could have my son today because I was dilated. After the appointment, I was admitted to the hospital and checked into a room. My whole family was expecting JJ to arrive the following week, but he had other plans. Everything happened so quickly. My husband and I thought we had time before they start giving me the Pitocin, so he left to go to Chipotle. In the short time he was gone, I started having horrible contractions. My mother showed up, and I was screaming and in such pain! I called my husband and told him to come back because I think I’m about to have this baby. When he returned, it was on! I received my epidural, and it was time to push. After just a few pushes, JJ slid out. It was so quick. It was such an easy labor with him.

Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant each time?

Since I had never been pregnant before, the signs were evident with Olivia. I experienced lower back pain, and I was very nauseous. Those were two symptoms I have never experienced before. With my son, my menstrual was a few weeks late, and I also experienced nausea.

Other than your firstborn, were you able to guess the gender of the next child? If so, how?

For me, I believe in speaking things into existence. So, that is exactly what I did with JJ. Also, I always envision my children would be three years apart and having a girl and boy. I knew how I wanted things, and it happened in that order.

How much weight did you gain each pregnancy?

I love food! So with my first pregnancy, I gained about 50 lbs. I was BIG! With my second pregnancy, I gained about the same amount.

How did each child feed- bottle-fed, breastfed?

Both of my children started out breastfeeding. It was challenging! Getting them to latch onto my breast was a task in itself. After one week with them latching on, I started my pumping journey. I pumped every few hours for seven months with each child. I loved preserving my breast milk like it was a prize. I was so proud to do it.

When were your expected due dates, and when did you actually give birth to each child?

The actual due date for Olivia was November 15^th, but she came on November 30^th.

I believe JJ’s due date was April 5^th, but he came on March 29^th.

Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process for each pregnancy?

For both pregnancies, my water did not break. The doctor had to break my water each time. My first child was overdue, so we scheduled an induction. We had to wait on a telephone call from the hospital once a bed was available. We were already packed and ready to go. So as soon we received the telephone call, we rushed to the hospital. I was done with being pregnant! It was not fun being 41 weeks pregnant. My daughter was cozy and was not trying to leave the oven. By the time we arrived at the hospital, we had started the paperwork process, and they loaded me into my room. The nurses were poking and pricking at me like every second. It felt like a science experiment. The Pitocin process started. The nurses explained how Pitocin works and the procedure. Therefore we knew that the Pitocin would not take effect until the next day, so we waited all evening and night until the very next day. We knew that the Pitocin wouldn’t take effect until the next day, so we waited. The next day they proceeded to break my water because I was only one centimeter dilated. As soon as they did that, I started contracting. It was a pain I have never experienced in my life. I thought that contractions were similar to my menstrual cramps, but nope! My poor husband felt so helpless because all he could do was look at me and try to comfort me as I cried and screamed bloody Mary. I could not understand why I had to wait until I was nearly nine centimeters dilated before getting the epidural. But as soon I reached nine centimeters, it was on! I was not afraid at all to get it. Once they gave me the epidural, I felt like I was in heaven. The pain completely subsided. When it was time to push, it seemed like there were too many people were in the room watching, including an intern. But I will never forget the one nurse who coached me through the process and held my legs up as I was pushing. She advised me to push like I had a bowel movement. Once she said that pushing became easier. After about 20 minutes, my daughter arrived. It was a joy I have never felt before. I was overwhelmed with so much happiness and tears of joy. A moment I will never forget.

The second time around with my son JJ, he was done baking at 39 weeks. It was just a typical day as I left work to attend my weekly doctor appointment. During the appointment, they noticed how low JJ was and suggested I try to give birth to JJ that very day by taking Pitocin. I was shocked because I was only there for an appointment, and it turned into me checking into the hospital. The nurse checked me (if you’ve been pregnant, you know what I mean by the nurse “checked” me) to see if I was contracting. I don’t know precisely what all she did when she checked me, but that’s what started it all. I was checked into my room, waiting for the Pitocin to be administered. Nothing was happening, so I sent my husband off to get us Chipotle bowls because I would only have one more meal to eat before I went into labor. During this time, my mother arrived with my daughter. I was so happy to see them. Then, within an hour of being checked into my room, the contractions began, and it was BAD! I remember expressing to the nurse how painful the contractions were, but she was soo calm as I was screaming from the pain. I wanted to scream at her (I will never forget). The nurse ended up checking me, and she couldn’t believe how fast I was contracting. She told me that they were about to break my water and have me ready to have the baby. So no Pitocin needed because everything happened so fast. I immediately called my husband and told him to hurry up and return because I was about to go into labor. As soon as he entered the room, I was getting the epidural, and it was time. It took only two pushes when it was time to push, and my son slid on out. It was fast! I was so happy to see him and kind of out of it that I didn’t realize that my son wasn’t crying. The nurses took him to a table and were trying to get him to cry. I saw how concerned my husband was, but I kept calm because I knew my baby was fine. He eventually cried, and we were all so happy! I couldn’t wait to introduce my son to his sister. This was all new to us because we now had two small children—new beginnings.

Did you get an epidural each time? If so, why or why not?

Yes, I did get an epidural for each pregnancy. I’ve heard horror stories about epidurals as well as great stories. I decided to use epidurals because the pain of the contractions was just that bad. I’m so happy I did! Once the epidural was inserted, I was a different person. Giving birth was a breeze afterward.

Do you remember your first words to each child?

I think for each child, I said their name and cried. I was in total shock!

Did you have any health complications during or after childbirth?

I didn’t have any health complications while giving birth, but I will never forget the pain I endured after I had Olivia. I had the worst tear, and I promise the pain was worse than giving birth.

With JJ, I had a small tear but not as bad as Olivia because he was born 6 lbs. Olivia was born almost 9lbs. Huge difference!

What has been the most challenging part of parenting multiple children?

I’m very nurturing. I believe my kids’ sense that, and they always want me, my poor husband! I sometimes feel like he might be sad that the kids ask questions or want me over him, but poor me! I rather they seek out their father more often so that mama can have a break from time to time.

Anything outrageous happened at the hospital?

I can remember when I was about to start pushing out Olivia, a few nurses came into the room and wanted my consent to invite an intern into the room to watch me give birth. I’m sure a lot of mothers would have said no. But I was like, sure! How else was he supposed to learn and gather experience?

Is there such a thing as having a favorite child or a child more bonded with one parent than the other?

No. I don’t believe there is such a thing as having a favorite child. But, I do believe in being more bonded with one child than the other because of the age differences. My son is three years younger than my daughter. Therefore, I have to tend to him a little more to ensure he’s capable of doing things independently.

What are the characteristics of each child, and who does it resembles the most between the parents?

My daughter’s personality is like her father’s. Always so happy and has a star quality about her. I would call her a “dreamer.” She’s a natural talent in so many aspects from dancing, rapping, acting, debating, the list goes on. My son’s personality is like mines. Calm, cool and collect. I was like him when I was younger, but I began to come out of my shell as I got older.

Knowing what you know now as a mother, what would you do differently if you were given that opportunity? (any moment or timeframe)

For both of my children, I would for sure have been more strict with keeping them in their own beds. When my children were babies, we had them in our bed at times, which I believe to this day is why they want me to sit with them for a few minutes before they go to sleep in their beds.

Any takeaway or advice?

One takeaway/advice is don’t be so hard on yourself. Being a mother is not only a physical job, but it takes so much out of you emotionally and mentally. I know for me, I take on my children’s emotions which mentally wears me down. I’m a true hands-on mother all the way. My kids come first before me. I feel if they’re happy, healthy, and safe, I have done my job. However, now that my kids are not in the baby/toddler stages anymore, I’ve come to the realization that I must make time for myself. Whether it’s a spa day, getting my nails done, or just hanging out with my girlfriends, it’s important to take time out for yourself. I used to feel guilty for doing those things in the past, but now I see its significance. Take time out for yourself.