Generational Breakthrough: Kwaniqua Hernandez

Tell us about you and your family—whatever you what to share:

At one point in my life, answering the question “tell me about yourself” was hard because I didn’t know myself. However, now, it is overwhelming because there is so much I want to share. I’ll start with this, I’m the product of a 15-year-old teenage mother, and she named me Kwaniqua Roseanne Lewis. I lived in Houston, TX majority of my life but relocated to Maryland because I found the love of my life. Throughout my life, I experienced losses and gains in all areas. I met the love of my life from a Facebook “Father’s Day” post on June 16, 2019. By May 23, 2020, he proposed to me, and we were married on November 7, 2020. As you read this, you might say, wow, that was fast! I would agree, but I’ve always been audacious and went with what made sense to me, even if it seemed odd to everyone else. You can call me stubborn or ambitious; it depends on the day. I’m an adventurous person, some may call it crazy, but I follow a God that knows more than I know. Thus, even when I don’t know, I follow because I believe in Jesus Christ.

I’m a wife, a mother (of an 8-month-old and six-year-old), and an advocate, a voice for women and teenage girls. In 2018, I founded a nonprofit organization called Well Crowned (previously known as Undeniable Crown). The organization aims to bring unity, self-awareness, confidence, and a secure identity through self-exploration, education, and mental health practices. Aside from all of that, I am also an aspiring author.

We are a blended family and everything that comes with it, the ups and the downs. The hardest part is seeing the negative impact of a broken family, specifically on the children, but still striving to make it one unit. It is hard, but those wins are refreshing! For the past four years, my husband has been the proud owner of a café, Together Cafe (located in Salisbury, MD). I was a stay-at-home mom until February 2023. However, currently, I work full-time as an Office Associate/ Marketing Manager for a government-funded organization geared toward helping local communities. I also started writing my first devotional and will start my Master’s program in May 2023. Amidst all that, I am rebranding my nonprofit organization and getting the groundwork to start a business.

What’s the backstory of your journey to motherhood? How did it all start?

My journey to motherhood began with the feeling of fear and anxiety based on how I was raised. I was raised in a lot of poverty and amidst many unhealthy generational habits. To give a clear picture of my perspective of motherhood, my family had three generations of teenage pregnancies and four-plus generations of unwed mothers. In addition, I am the ONLY woman to marry before becoming a mother. So with that being said, my journey to motherhood started with disappointing tears flowing down my face because I was unprepared; I felt that my life wasn’t absolutely perfect, and I did not want to experience what I saw growing up. I had many regrets during the first trimester, feeling shocked but excited because I was having a baby with my best friend, and it all blossomed into acceptance and embracement. In that acceptance, I learned to do what I can, not what I want (a massive lesson). I also realized that I was allowed to be taken care of and to take care of myself. The realization that I would have to raise a child from my womb and another child from another woman’s womb was frightening. I was afraid of conflict between them and conflicted in my heart towards my bonus daughter. I understood it would be different, but I didn’t want her to feel that.

When and how did you find out you were pregnant?

I will always laugh reflecting on this time when I was brewing a baby and had no idea. I was on the treadmill at the gym, unable to finish, and was feeling faint and dizzy after less than 1 mile. Now, I love to work out. So not making it past a mile on the treadmill and feeling like that didn’t make sense to me. I recall calling my husband into the female locker room and vomiting on the floor. I was so embarrassed and confused all at the same time. Finally, I was like, okay, I need to take a pregnancy test to rule that out and move on to the next thing that could be wrong with me. After the gym, I went to Dollar Tree and got a pregnancy test! I did not think I would be pregnant, so I did not anticipate spending much money on a test. I went home, showered, and took the test shortly after. I left it on the bathroom sink and returned to watch whatever show/movie we were watching. My husband went to use the same bathroom and came out and looked at me, and said, “go look.” And, of course, I’m shocked because why wouldn’t he just tell me?! I asked again, and he repeated, “go look.” I got up and went to look. It said, “positive.” I yelled, “HONEY! THIS SAYS POSITIVE”. That was October 1, 2021.

How many pregnancy tests did you take?

So, you know about my Dollar Tree test. That was one test. I had to take another one because my husband only trust ClearBlue pregnancy tests. So, I believe I only took two tests.

Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant?

I had a few signs: nausea and the feeling of weakness and fainting. However, the most comical one was my heightened emotions. The day before I found out I was pregnant, my mother asked me if I was pregnant because I was hollering and screaming, saying I wanted to move back to Texas and I was sick of this marriage when it wasn’t even that serious. I can’t even remember what the argument was about.

Who was the first person you told after finding out you were pregnant?

Aside from my husband, the first person I told was my mother! For two reasons: because she’s my mom and because I just had to let her know that what I thought was a crazy accusation of my real dramatic feelings was actually true.

What did you want the gender of your baby to be?

Initially, It did not matter to me the gender. I was open to any gender. Yet, I knew it would most likely be a girl because I’ve had a girl named “Ariah” from 2017-2018. Nevertheless, there was a bit of a desire to have a boy later in the pregnancy due to the passing of my husband’s brother. My husband is now the last living male in his family that can carry on their name legacy.

What was the worst experience during pregnancy?

The worst experience was when my husband could not be in the room with me while I was getting the anesthesia and epidural.

How much weight did you gain?

I gained a whopping 35-40 lbs during pregnancy. I was a pescatarian pre-pregnancy, but during my pregnancy, I ate everything.

When was your expected due date, and when did you actually give birth?

My expected due date was June 8, 2022. Instead, I gave birth on June 10 at 8:59 am.

Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process?

This is probably my favorite part of my pregnancy journey. On June 8, I walked into my 40-week appointment with my Mom. She flew from Texas to be able to help me when it came time to bring the baby home and be a support. We walked in, and I lay on the table and did my regular checks. My doctor paused and hesitated on discussing future plans for delivery and wanted to do a final review to ensure she was doing what she was supposed to be doing. So I laid back on the table for a second time. I remembered the look on my doctor’s face. She told me my baby girl was breached. I just looked at her, and everything from there went so fast. I had to make a quick decision between two options. One option was trying to turn my baby, which could lead to a c-section, and the other was a c-section. My head started to spin, and I was in disbelief and disappointment. I called my husband and started crying. I cried and cried. Finally, I was able to calm down, and with wisdom from my mother, I decided to go with the c-section. But I requested holding off a day to have the surgery because I needed everything to slow down; it was moving too fast. So they scheduled it for Friday, June 10, instead of Thursday, June 9. Within 24 hours, it felt like my world was flipped. I hoped I would be “pushing” a baby out as I had prepared myself for the process. I had watched videos and YouTubers talk about their experiences, so I was ready. However, I was not prepared for a cesarean. I remember telling my husband that I specifically did not want a c-section. And on top of all that, my original surgeon was unavailable, so I had to go with another surgeon. If it sounds like a lot, it was.

On June 10, we walked into the hospital with all the items needed for the aftercare of Mommy and Baby. I kept telling myself I would be fine as long as my husband was with me. So we walked, well he walked, I wobbled, all the way to the floor where the surgery would occur. And I was met with the most caring and patient team of nurses I could have ever prayed for. I mean, everyone was so genuine and sincere. Everyone gave me step-by-step instructions and what to expect. I went through all the pre-surgery procedures, and right when I had the gown on and was getting ready to walk out of the room, the nurse said my husband could not come with me. I was dumbfounded but knew my little girl had to get here safely. So we walked into the surgery room. It was so sterile, and everyone was focused on the task. It felt impersonal, but I understood. I sat at the table, and they explained the anesthesia and epidural. As I prepared for the needle to go in, I started crying softly. Thankfully the anesthesiologists noticed and asked the nurse to come over and comfort me. I cried in her arms, but I really wished it was my husband that was holding me. The shot to the spine was painful but quick. The anesthesia kicked in, and I was laid back on the table. I felt superb. I mean, really good. I remember telling one of the nurses they should never sell this stuff in stores; I was pretty out of it. The medicine started to do its job, and I could not feel anything from my chest and down—this is normal for a c-section. I saw my husband come in, and I remember struggling not to fall asleep because I wanted to stay up to see my baby, but my nurse assured me that I could fall asleep if I wanted to.

Next thing, I saw a baby covered in blood, and a white substance held up over the blanket and crying. It was the most alleviating sound I have ever heard. I knew she was delivered safely, and I could finally breathe. I recall not feeling the cut, but I did feel the pressure of a large item (aka baby) being pulled out of me. I also remember being sewn back up. Again, I felt the pulling and the tugging of the sewing motion. My husband left my side to go and do his part in the delivery. He returned with our baby girl wrapped up, and I saw her little face for the first time. I couldn’t do anything but smile because I was so “high,” but I will never forget that moment.

Do you remember your first words to your baby?

My first words to my baby were, “Hi, baby.” My husband confirmed this and said I was really out of it.

Did you have any health complications during or after childbirth?

Thankfully, I didn’t have any health complications during or after childbirth.

Anything outrageous happened at the hospital?

Nothing outrageous happened. However, one of the nurses who has been a nurse for over 40 years revealed to us that she had seen more teenage (ages 14-15 years) pregnancies in the last 5-10 years.

According to the CDC, “the US teen birth rate (births per 1,000 females aged 15 to 19 years) has been declining since 1991. Teen birth rates continued to decline from 17.4 per 1,000 females in 2018 to 16.7 per 1,000 females in 2019. This is another record low for US teens and a decrease of 4% from 2018. Birth rates fell 7% for females aged 15 to 17 years and 4% for females aged 18 to 19 years. Evidence suggests these declines are due to more teens abstaining from sexual activity and more teens who are sexually active using birth control than in previous years. However, the US teen birth rate is substantially higher than in other western industrialized nations, and racial/ethnic and geographic disparities in teen birth rates persist” (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2023).

What’s the best thing you enjoy about being a mom?

Motherhood is nothing like I thought it would be, but I embrace it daily. Now that I am 8 months in and doing the tango with all those feelings, I keep in mind that everything may not be in my control, and it doesn’t have to be. Watching my daughter grow is the best part of being a mom. I get to witness all her milestones while being a stay-at-home mom. I have enjoyed seeing her personality develop and knowing I am her perfect mother. I also enjoy learning so much about myself and that I can do more than I give myself credit for. And this came through being a mother. Motherhood truly changes a person’s perspective on life.

What has been the most challenging part of being a mom?

The most challenging part has been grieving that my life will never be the same. Another challenging thing is not getting enough sleep due to the baby not sleeping throughout the night yet. The physical healing process is also complicated.

What are some misconceptions regarding motherhood or the road to motherhood?

The idea that you will love every second of it. You won’t! And it is ok. It’s reality, not a fairytale.

Describe your experience as a bonus mom and what the transition was like for both children:

My experience as a bonus mom has been a rollercoaster, to say the least. Coming into the marriage, I assumed I would be taking on the role of a mother for a little girl due to her mother being somewhat absent. Fortunately, that was not the case; her biological mother turned her life around and became fully involved. This affected me emotionally and mentally because I felt I was no longer needed. So I had to navigate that mental space because although I thought I was not needed, why was I here? I thought to myself. Then my viewpoint shifted from feeling insignificant to being confident. That transition allowed me to appreciate that I am needed even though I am not her biological parent. I learned that I was good enough for her. So I started to allow myself to do more with her and be more like myself. Now I am battling with the internal conflict of feeling the love for a child as a birth mother and a bonus mother and the differences inside. I didn’t have that to deal with before my baby girl was born. The transition was even more challenging because I became fiercely overprotective of my baby, even with her big sister. So now I am getting back to a space of understanding I value in each child’s life– it’s different. I am not fully there, but I am closer than I was eight months ago. Also, my bonus daughter has made this transition so seamless. She loves her little sister unconditionally and is very helpful.

Any do-overs or regrets:

One thing I would do over is to consistently work out during my pregnancy, even if it was a light workout. One major regret is not being present due to fear. When I found out I was pregnant, I did not celebrate joyfully. Instead, I was anxious because it did not happen within the timeframe I had planned. At the time, I was highly consumed due to my childhood traumas of abuse and abandonment. I was literally living my dream, but my fears made it a nightmare. As a result, I couldn’t experience the joy of having a baby with the man of my dreams.

Any takeaway or advice?

There is so much I could give regarding advice, but I’ll give this one, make sure to prepare for every delivery method because things can change.

Who shot your maternity shoot if you had one?

A friend and supporter, Jeffrey Murphy, did my maternity shoot.