No Warnings: The Truth About Perimenopause

Whew, chile I’m going through it. You know that hot, then cold, then hot and sweaty rollercoaster? I cannot!! I literally have to peel off layers just to get a little relief. Nobody warned me!

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The First Signs

It all started about three years ago. I began having night sweats every night for a month straight. I didn’t understand it, and honestly didn’t think it required medical attention—I mean, it was just sweating at night, right? Then, just like that, it stopped. I thought maybe I was just stressed. Or the blanket was too heavy. I had no clue what was coming.

When It Got Real..

Fast forward a year later, out of nowhere, I started experiencing uncontrollable heat surges—so uncomfortable and unexpected. Girl, that’s hot flashes. Oh! These episodes lasted about 2–5 minutes, but let me tell you, those few minutes felt like a lifetime.

Imagine being in a meeting, trying to stay professional, and boom—an episode starts. You politely remove your sweater because obviously, the room was cold… but now? Now it feels like the fires of the Sahara moved in. You’re trying to stay cool, literally and figuratively, while sweat is dripping down your chest. You’re whispering the mantra in your head, “I’m okay, nobody notices, it’ll go away in 2 minutes.” But baby, those 2 minutes feel like forever.

Did you know hot flashes affect up to 75% of women going through perimenopause?

The Big Question: What Is Perimenopause?!

This is the part nobody talks about. We’re taught to prepare for puberty, warned about how not to get pregnant, and drilled on STD prevention—but perimenopause? Crickets.

First of all, what even is perimenopause? I’d heard of menopause, sure, but perimenopause? That’s a word nobody mentioned in my community. One thing I know for sure: it creeps up on you like a petty ex—showing up uninvited, bringing chaos, and making everything uncomfortable. But unlike that ex, it doesn’t just pop in and leave. Oh no, sis—it stays. For years. Years?? That can’t be true… can it?

The average duration of perimenopause is four years, although it can vary widely, lasting just a few months for some women and up to 10 years for others. Perimenopause is considered complete after 12 months without a menstrual period.

Once you’ve gone 12 months without a menstrual period, you’ve officially entered menopause — a new phase of womanhood.

That, my friend, was my introduction to almost 40.

At first, I brushed it off. I mean, I was too young for menopause—wasn’t I? I was just about to hit 40! But after a few more “episodes” (that’s what I call them now), I started to do my research.

Sis, let me tell you… perimenopause is real, and it doesn’t wait for an invitation.

The Hormone Hustle

Perimenopause is that sneaky in-between phase before full-on menopause. Your hormones are doing the Electric Slide—estrogen levels dropping, then spiking, then dropping again. And while I wish someone had sat me down and warned me, I’m learning as I go.

The Rollercoaster: Physical & Emotional Shifts

Oh, did I mention there are at least 5–6 episodes a day? Lord, have mercy.

Some days I’m fine—glowing, even. Other days? I’m crying at commercials, forgetting where I left my keys (or why I walked into the kitchen), and sweating like I just ran a marathon—and I promise you I didn’t move.

And let’s not even talk about the mood swings. One minute I’m jamming to my favorite song, the next I’m side-eyeing the air because something just feels off. It’s like my emotions got on the same wild rollercoaster my hormones are riding. And don’t even get me started on sleep.

Chile, sleep? She left the chat months ago.

Some days I’m Beyoncé. Other days I’m bawling at a baby food commercial, wondering where I left my phone… that’s in my hand. And then it hit me: Wait! Is T his what my mom was experiencing when she got on my nerves looking for her phone that was in her pocket!

Sidebar: A Conversation with My Mom

When I finally told my mom what I was going through, she looked at me and said, “I went through it too… but I didn’t know what it was.”

Wait—what?! My own mother went through this silently?

That moment hit me hard. It made me realize how many women have suffered in silence, just trying to “push through.” Her strength is beyond me—but I also refuse to stay silent. If I can name it, talk about it, and help one woman feel less alone—that’s power.

I can’t even imagine the amount of women in my community suffering in silence—thinking it’s just stress, aging, or something they have to “deal with.” The truth is, we deserve more than silence. We deserve education, awareness, compassion, and space to talk about what’s happening in our bodies without shame or confusion.

If my story helps even one woman feel seen, heard, or like she’s not losing her mind—then I’ve done my part.

Let’s stop whispering about perimenopause like it’s a secret and start talking about it like it’s the reality it is.

Because sis, this isn’t the end of anything. I’m still in the thick of it, navigating this wild ride one hot flash at a time.

But if my experience can help another woman feel seen, understood, or at the very least—laugh? Then it’s worth sharing.

THE NEXT CHAPTER

So…I’m one of those people — let’s just say, a little Stubborn. When my doctor first recommended me to start hormone therapy, I politely went home, did my own research, and thought, Nope, buddy, I’M GOUD!

Months later, at a follow-up appointment, my doctor practically screamed (more like fussed) at me — in the most motherly, loving way possible, when I told her I never started the medicine because, after doing research, I found out there’s a possibility of getting cancer as a side effect. In that instance, she made it an educational moment and shared statistics, credible research, and stressed the importance of acting now, especially with the increased risks tied to perimenopause, like heart disease. HEART DISEASE!!

It was a sounding alarm I couldn’t ignore. Her kind but firm words stayed with me. She sent me home with two research articles and asked me to read them and then decide on my option related to a treatment plan.

And let me tell you! That moment shifted something within me, and I was woke.

Sidebar: Natural Remedy

So during the time I decided not to take the medication, I researched natural remedies and discovered that Geranium essential oil and Black Cohosh could help with symptoms like hot flashes, hormone balance, and vaginal dryness. I incorporated these remedies into my routine and found a sense of calmness and relief.

So what have I learned?

1. Layer up (or down)—and not just your clothes, but your support system too.
2. Stay hydrated like your sanity depends on it—because it kind of does.
3. Talk about it. We don’t have to suffer in silence.
4. Laugh. Sometimes it’s either that or cry—and I choose laughter (most days).
5. Talk to your doctor. Don’t wait until you’re drenched and Googling symptoms at 2AM.

So here I am—navigating this beautifully chaotic season with fans in every room, peppermint oil in my purse, and a whole lot of grace. I’m learning to listen to my body, honor the changes, and speak up. Because if we don’t talk about it, how will the next generation know what to expect?

If this is 40, I’m showing up—sweaty, strong, and unapologetically informed.

And girl—I’m going through it!

— Awaye

Educational Information

Perimenopause is the period leading up to menopause, typically starting in a woman’s 40s, but can begin as early as the mid-30s. It lasts 4–10 years on average. It ends one year after a woman’s last menstrual period.

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🧠 Hormonal Changes

• Fluctuating Estrogen & Progesterone: Research shows that estrogen levels spike and dip erratically, rather than gradually declining.
• This hormonal chaos contributes to symptoms like:
  • Irregular periods
  • Hot flashes and night sweats
  • Mood swings
  • Anxiety or depression
  • Brain fog and memory lapses

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🌡️ Common Symptoms (Evidence-based)

According to the North American Menopause Society (NAMS) and Mayo Clinic, symptoms can include:

• Sleep disturbances (up to 40–60% report sleep issues)
• Vasomotor symptoms (hot flashes, night sweats)
• Weight gain, especially around the abdomen
• Fatigue, libido changes, and vaginal dryness
• Increased risk of migraines or worsening of existing ones

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🧬 Mental Health and Cognitive Research

• Studies indicate higher risk of depression and anxiety during perimenopause, especially in women with prior mental health challenges.
• Cognitive decline (short-term memory lapses, attention issues) is common but not typically permanent.

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❤️‍🩹 Cardiovascular and Bone Health

• Declining estrogen can increase risk for heart disease and osteoporosis.
• Research stresses the importance of weight-bearing exercise and calcium/Vitamin D intake during this phase.

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🩺 Treatment and Management

• Hormone Therapy (HT): Effective for moderate to severe symptoms but may not be suitable for everyone.
• SSRIs/SNRIs: Used for mood-related symptoms and hot flashes.
• Lifestyle changes: Diet, exercise, mindfulness, and stress management show strong evidence of reducing symptom severity.
• Complementary therapies: Acupuncture, yoga, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) have research-backed benefits.

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🧪 Emerging Research Topics

• Brain health: New studies are exploring the link between perimenopause and later-life risks of Alzheimer’s.
• Gut microbiome: Early evidence suggests gut health may influence hormonal balance during this time.
• Genetics: Research is investigating how genetics influence the onset and duration of perimenopause.

Estrogen and progestogens are the two main types of hormone therapy currently utilized. Dr. Mary Claire Haver, a board-certified gynecologist and Certified Menopause Practitioner through The Menopause Society, recently appeared on Oprah to discuss menopause. It was an incredible show, and Dr. Haver’s work is truly inspiring. She offers a FREE Menopause Empowerment Guide directly from her website.

Conclusion

There comes a moment in every woman’s life when the familiar rhythms of her body begin to change. For some, it arrives like a soft whisper; for others, it roars with urgency. This season, often called perimenopause — is not a falling apart, but a sacred unfolding. Amid the waves of change, there is a stillness waiting for you– ataraxia. A deep, unshakable peace. In this journey, we are not losing ourselves. We are shedding the old layers to reveal a woman more powerful, more radiant, and more at home within herself than ever before. Let each wave of change be met with tenderness. Let every new rhythm invite rest, renewal, and deeper self-love. In this chapter of life, may you find calmness — the beautiful calm that was always within you.

Reference:

Mikkola, T. S., Gissler, M., & Tuomikoski, P. (2023). Menopausal hormone replacement therapy and reduction of all-cause mortality and cardiovascular disease: It is about time and timing. Journal of the American Heart Association, 12(3), e026907. https://doi.org/10.1161/JAHA.122.026907

The North American Menopause Society. (2023). The 2023 nonhormone therapy position statement of The North American Menopause Society. Menopause, 30(6), 573–590. https://doi.org/10.1097/GME.0000000000002200​

WebMD Editorial Contributors. (n.d.). Perimenopause: What It Is, Symptoms & Treatment. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide-perimenopause