My husband, Marvin, and I had been trying to get pregnant for nearly ten years. We went to several doctors, with all of them telling me, “you will never get pregnant!” I can remember the last specialist I went to, came into the room with medical students, and explained to the students, “see, this is a case of a woman that will never conceive!” I was humiliated and in disbelief as the doctor casually informed her students of my health information. I could feel my eyes swelling up as my emotions took over me; the only thing I could muster up to say was, “we will see what God says.” From that point, every doctor I visited who told me “no,” I kept my faith and continue to the next doctor, believing that we will get pregnant one day.
I suffer from Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods (cycles) or excess male hormone (androgen) levels (Mayo Clinic, 2020).
Living with PCOS, my menstrual cycles came 6 or 7 times a year, if that many! I found a Holistic doctor (Dr. Grace Chukwu), and she was remarkable! She provided me with six different natural herbs (which I cannot recall the names now), that helped to regulate my cycles. About a month later, I started noticing changes in my period while using the herbs. However, I could not keep up with the treatment due to it being too expensive. Therefore, I found a new OBGYN doctor who prescribed me Clomid (a fertility medication). I took Clomid for a few rounds (two cycles) without any results.
Three months later, I discovered a lump in my left breast. I was diagnosed with stage 2 triple-negative breast cancer. I was devastated! All my hopes and dreams of becoming a mother and life as I knew it went right out the window. “Breast cancer?! ME?!” I thought to myself., I had no family history of breast cancer or cancer, so I could not understand where and how. Recounting those moments, I am overwhelmed with so many emotions I can’t describe. It did not make any sense!
Fast forward a little, after what felt like 100 tests and so much blood work; I became mentally prepared for the treatment phase. Filled with so many emotions, pain, loneliness at that time, I can say that fear was at the top of the list. Fear was the driving force, and it was hard to shake. I became suicidal at times and utterly broken, to put it mildly.
So I started Chemotherapy treatment, four dose-dense AC treatments, and then 12 treatments with another Chemotherapy drug called Taxol. My hair and some of my toenails fell came off, and the rest of my nails turned black. After chemo, I opted to have a mastectomy, so I had to wait until I was healed entirely to start the rest of my treatment, which was 33 days of radiation. The radiation caused what I like to say almost “second-degree burns.”
April 10, 2013, is the date I found out I was cancer-free. It was surreal, I wanted to be cancer-free, but I didn’t know what to expect. Just thinking about it, I get emotional. It was a bittersweet moment, because literally, about 15 minutes before I found out that I was cancer-free, I accidentally found out that my husband’s cousin had passed away from brain cancer. His family tried to keep it from me to protect me from experiencing grief and the fear that it would interfere with my treatment. So, by the time I was called into the doctor’s office, I was in tears overwhelmed by the news. My doctor gave me my results that no cancer was detected in my Pet scan and none from my breast tissue from the mastectomy. I will never forget this moment, the cry I let out, calling on Jesus’s name, I was a mixture of grief and relief mixed with joy, I couldn’t even be consoled at that point. My husband stood next to me, holding my hand and rubbing my back, saying, “you’re okay…you’re okay.” I still get overwhelmed, recalling this moment.
The next step was deciding if I wanted a reconstruction, and yes, I did! I was ready to get back to feeling normal again. Seeing myself every day with a missing breast was a constant reminder of the trauma I had endured. Therefore, I scheduled an appointment to begin the reconstruction surgery procedure. My surgeon Oncologist suggested that I lose a little weight before my reconstruction surgery, which I agreed. I lost the weight that I needed to lose. Therefore, my consultation appointment was scheduled for April 10, 2014. On the day of my appointment, April 10, I was asked the usual questions, which was “when was your last period?”, I looked at my calendar and said to my doctor, “it was supposed to come yesterday, but it’s just one day late, so no big deal, I miss it all the time.” My doctor said okay, and scheduled my reconstruction surgery for April 16, 2014. However, she also instructed me to take a pregnancy test when I get home and to call and let her know the results.
When and how did you find out you were pregnant?
I stopped by the store and purchased a pregnancy test. When I got home, I took the test but forgot about it because it was taking too long; plus, I did not have a second thought about being pregnant. However, when I went back to check the test, it read “positive.” Instantly I took the additional test that was in the box and anxiously waited for the results. And to my surprise, it came back “positive” for the second time. I was completely shocked and cut off guard. Therefore, I drove back to the store to purchase another pack of pregnancy tests. Each test I took the result was positive. I was thrilled but, at the same time, in disbelief. I wanted so badly to healed from the cancer and live, “but nothing this extraordinary,” I thought to myself. The moment I dreamt about was becoming my reality, “I get to have a baby.” I think I cried and praised Jesus for about 30 minutes. I stopped and prayed! I remember talking to God and saying, “Lord, thank you for trusting me with your child. Thank you for choosing me to love and take care of this baby. I give this child right back to you. I will raise this child to know and love you.” Every day, I try my best to remember to fulfill this prayer. I teach Olivia about love, kindness, and God.
How many pregnancy tests did you take?
I took a total of five pregnancy tests. The first pack had two, and the second pack had three.
Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant?
Thinking back, I went on a trip to Dallas to celebrate my best friend Tasha’s birthday. The whole trip I couldn’t eat any meat, it just tasted and smelled so weird, and everything sweet was too sweet, except for fruits. Although the food was so good, all I wanted to eat was fruits and veggies. Also, as I was driving around the city on one particular night, I became so dizzy I had to slow down to get my bearings about myself. I did not think twice about the reason I was dizzy. Earlier that day I experienced some sinus and took medication, so I thought the dizziness came about from the medicine.
How did you tell your husband about being pregnant?
For my reconstruction surgery, my husband had taken off work in advance to care for me after surgery. The day I found out I was pregnant, he was at work. When he came home, I said to him, “are you ready to take care of me after surgery?” and he responded, “yes, I am.” As he walked into our bedroom to change his clothes, not knowing that I had placed the pregnancy test on his side of the sink, he walked right past it. He stopped in his track and backed up. He then picked up the pregnancy test and said in the most serious voice, “so we are having three to four kids?” I looked at him and said, what? And he repeated his question, and showed me the test. I said, “no crazy, that’s 3 to 4 weeks pregnant.” He remained calm and collected, like, okay, let’s get on with it. Marvin is always the one who keeps it together, until the night after the baby shower. We went into the baby’s room to look around, and we sat down and started reading all the well wishes, and that’s when he broke down and cried. He expressed that he was overwhelmed by all the love and appreciation that everyone showed us.
What did you want the gender of your baby to be?
All my life I dreamed about having a daughter, I get emotional thinking about it. I used to carry a composition book that I wrote every first and middle name in, naming my daughter. I always found myself looking at girls clothes and shoes. Anything girly I glanced at, however, after being diagnosed with Breast cancer, I was happy to have a boy because I did not want to pass breast cancer to my daughter and female grandchildren.
I even rationalized why it should be a boy because my brother and all of my first cousins on my dad’s side of the family all had boys first, so I made myself believe I was having a boy.
I had to take a genetic test because I was over 35 and pregnant, so this allowed me to find out at 11 weeks the gender of the baby. I remember the day Dr. Jones (OBGYN) called me and said, “all of your results came back, and the baby is fine, no abnormalities would you like to know the gender?” I replied, “yes!” and she said it’s a, “it’s a girl.” My silence must’ve made her nervous because she asked me, “are you okay?” I said, “yes,” excited, I thought to myself, I’m having a girl! A girl? Really, a girl! God knew that was the desire of my heart, that I only wanted a little boy out of fear and worried that a daughter would inherit a gene that could cause breast cancer.
What was the worst experience during pregnancy?
In the first few months, I think I slept my life away. One day I was getting ready for a nap. I went to use the restroom before lying down, but when I went to pee, blood started pouring, it was so much blood I could hear it. I screamed for my husband, and he came running into the restroom. He saw what was happening and appeared frightened as his face turned red. But he stayed calm to keep me calm and rushed me to the hospital. After seven hours in the hospital, I got an ultrasound, and this little girl was swimming around and doing well. I have what you call a low lying placenta (Marginal Previa). But my placenta moved up, and I had no other issues with bleeding after that. During my pregnancy, I also dealt with swellings and high blood pressure in the final weeks. Therefore, I prescribed high blood pressure medication until it got regulated.
How much weight did you gain?
I gained about 35lbs. However, six weeks after delivering, I was right back to my usual normal beautiful, plus size self.
When was your expected due date, and when did you actually give birth?
My expected due date was Christmas, but since my blood pressure was high and the risk of having Preeclampsia, I was induced on December 15 and gave birth 28 hours later on December 16.
Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process?
On December 15, I had to be at the hospital by 5 p.m. to be induced. Therefore, my water was broken manually. It’s hard to explain the feeling, but it’s just pressure, and a gush of water came out. Then after that, it was a waiting game, Dr. Jones advised me to request the epidural when I wanted, and it will be given to me. I didn’t have to wait for it, plus I was kind of scared, so I asked for the epidural when my cervix was three centimeters dilated. I did not feel the urge to experience the pain. I just wanted to see my daughter’s beautiful face. The next day, December 16, I reached ten centimeters dilated. Due to the epidural, I could not feel any pain, so I was told when my contractions hit and when to start pushing. During labor, I became so sick I started having nausea and vomiting. Therefore, I had to stop pushing and take a break. I sat up until the vomiting passed. I could not remember if I was given any medication for the vomiting, but it wasn’t pleasant. The pushing process was not easy. I pushed and pushed and just could not push her out. I was so exhausted and tired that I passed out (went to sleep, not medically having syncope or losing consciousness). I remember my husband waking me up and saying to me, “baby, you have to push.” However, Dr. Jones was not pressuring or rushing me, so I rested. Dr. Jones made sure me and my baby were safe. I was so exhausted I may have became delirious, I begged Dr. Jones to do a cesarean section, “please I can’t do this,” and she replied, “no ma’am, you are going to push this baby out.” One of the nurses said to me, “push like you have to poop,” I gave her a little side-eye, but mentally I was too exhausted to push, but I knew I had to continue to keep on pushing.
I was ready to get the process over with, so I asked to stand up to push. As the nurses went to get the bars so I could stand up, Dr. Jones said to me, “give it one more good push before the setting up of the bars, and I will assist the baby by suction.” I took Dr. Jones’ advice and pushed one more time, and out she came looking like “hey y’all.” She did not cry at all. She looked around the room like “hello world.” My husband was standing over me, wiping my face, and I was like, “go check on her, make sure she is okay.” The nurse brought her to me and still, no crying. While holding her, she tried to snuggle up on me, and I thought to myself, “little girl, I need you to clear those lungs and cry,” and when I pulled her away from me, she cried, letting us know she was just fine.
Do you remember your first words to your baby?
While trying to get Olivia to cry and calming her down, I simply gazed at her for about five minutes, and when she opened her eyes, my heart melt, I was overwhelmed with joy. I said to her, “Hey beautiful, I’m your mommy, and I love you so much.”
Did you have any health complications during or after childbirth?
After giving birth, my blood pressure was still a little high; therefore, for about two months, I took blood pressure medication until it became regular again. I did experience some anxiety about being a first-time mom. I felt overwhelmed, tired, and emotional. Dr. Jones called me personally to check on me after I told her how I was feeling. I think she wanted to make sure it wasn’t postpartum depression. After a few weeks, I got into my routine, and things were alright. However, still felt emotional but not as much as I was the first few weeks after giving birth. As a coping mechanism, which was recommended by my doctor, I took 1 hour out of my day to relax by taking a candlelight bath with the door closed.
What’s the best thing you enjoy about being a mom?
What I enjoy most about being a MOM is getting to do everything with Olivia, I get to watch her and cheer her on and laugh with her, somedays I just watch her, I get to be a mom, we get to cook together and scrapbook together. I don’t even know what the best thing is really, how can you choose one thing or even a few things? it’s like having your best friend with you 24/7. Although having children was a part of my purpose, I could not see it. How could I, though? Can you imagine wanting badly to be a mother, but then being diagnosed with cancer in the process! It wasn’t easy, but we got through it by holding on to our faith and the words of the Lord. In the end, I got what I always wanted: “a mother to a daughter.” We rejoice every day, knowing we get the honor of being parents to a little girl God gave us. In my heart, I know God created Olivia for me. He thought so much of me to give me this exact child. Looking at her, I know that I got a beauty for ashes and that she is part of my Grace and Mercy, my physical and mental healing. She is like a sign that says, “GOD is HERE” I get to give her all my unconditional love, and she loves me right back unconditionally. I get to teach her and talk to her and love on her. It’s amazing to be her mom!
What has been the hardest part of being a mom?
The hardest part I think right now is teaching her and wondering if I’m getting it right, making sure that I’m correcting her with love. I will say in short, my mother and I did not have a good relationship. So I strive to break generational curses and to have a better relationship with my child. To explain things and talk with her and correct her in love. To apologize when I’m wrong, and acknowledge it, and yes, as parents, we are wrong a lot. In the beginning, it was difficult as a new mother and still in the process of healing from mental wounds. However, I had to fight through it. I intended to prepare my daughter for the world to make sure she has a relationship with God, to keep her safe, and teach her about the usual things such as her body parts as that is important to me. What’s incredible is while I am teaching her, I am also learning about myself, finding healing, and getting direction at the same time from God.
Anything outrageous happened at the hospital?
A funny thing I remember, which my husband said didn’t happen, but for some reason, I remember a nurse standing on a stool pushing on my stomach to help push the baby out. My husband said I kept passing out; therefore, I am not sure whether I was hallucinating or not. I also recall a girl coming in and trying to show us pictures on her phone, but again my husband said this did not happen.
Any do-overs or regrets:
No regrets or do-overs at all, I wanted this little mountain mover and the only way I was getting her was to go through what God allowed.
Any take away or advice?
It was hard to fathom not being able to do the very thing that God created me to do. My patience was challenged when I saw EVERYONE around me having kids left to right as I struggled for ten years to conceive. However, I never lost hope. Therefore, I say the women that are finding it hard to conceive, don’t give up, keep hoping, keep dreaming, looking at baby clothes, picking out baby names, and thinking about how your baby’s room will be. That is part of your work, and faith is dead without action. When you desire something so badly, you must speak it into existence and put in the work.
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