My Journey to a Miracle Through IVF: LaToya Bolden

I am a graduate of Sam Houston State University, Texas Southern University, and now a new graduate of Prairie View A&M University. As you can see, I am a lover of learning, and therefore I am an educator at heart. I currently teach math and will be transitioning to high school when I return to work in August. My lovely husband, whom I’ve been married to for five years now, gave me a year off after giving birth. We are heavily involved at our church. We serve as high school youth leaders, and we’re active in our church’s marriage ministry.

What’s the backstory of your journey to motherhood? How did it all start: 

Before meeting my husband, I didn’t want any kids. But he’s a phenomenal and God-fearing man who desired to have ten kids. When he shared this with me, I immediately said, “I am not your wife.” But here we are five years later with a child of our own.

Our journey didn’t start until eight months after being married, and I decided to get off birth control. We were doing what married folks do and having a good time, but I wasn’t getting pregnant. I kept getting negative pregnancy tests after negative pregnancy test. So, I decided to go get a well woman’s exam. I learned at my visit they don’t test your fallopian tubes. But I shared that we’ve been trying for 2-3 years now and were not getting pregnant. I was referred to a specialist to have an HSG test done on my fallopian tubes. The results came back and showed there was a toxic fluid in my fallopian tubes that was killing my eggs. And if it leaked into my uterus, it could have killed me. It was recommended to have an emergency surgery done to drain the toxic fluid and have my tubes tied. At this point our only option to get pregnant was to go through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).

There are different stages of IVF. The first stage involved preparing my body to increase my follicles and also increase the number of eggs that my body could produce. So, I had to give myself shots in my stomach, take pills and apply patches. After this process, an egg retrieval is done. They retrieved 19 eggs, which is awesome. You want to be in the double digits. While they were retrieving my eggs, my husband was giving a sperm sample. They then took my eggs and fertilized them with his sperm. We had to wait five days to see how many of the eggs would actually fertilize with his sperm. We learned that 14 of the 19 eggs made it through the process. Afterwards, we got 8 of the 9 eggs tested for the viability of the eggs to make it to full term and abnormalities. We then made it to transfer day, which was December 12, 2022, at 12pm. There were a lot of 12’s, so I looked up the significance of the number 12. The significance of the number 12 is completion. I knew then that I was going to get pregnant.

When and how did you find out you were pregnant:

Now, you’re supposed to wait two weeks before taking a pregnancy test, but I couldn’t wait. I waited five days and took a pregnancy test. The first test was faint. I took a test the next day, and it was still faint. On the seventh day, I took another test, but I also had to give myself a progesterone shot, which is very difficult to do for yourself, but I had to do it because I have to take them at the same time every day. I remember hearing God say, as an incentive, take a digital pregnancy test. So, I did that first and then gave myself the shot. I went back into the restroom and looked at the pregnancy test, and it read “Pregnant”! That was my first time seeing a positive pregnancy test since we had been trying.

How many pregnancy tests did you take for confirmation: 

I took one extra test after that at my doctor’s appointment which was the following day of when I took the digital test. I did the blood test and my numbers came back at 68 and the doctor exclaimed, ” Oh, you’re pregnant, pregnant!”

Who was the first person you confided in after finding out you were pregnant: 

I first told my husband by surprising him with a little onesie that I placed in a box. We later told our family on Christmas.

What did you hope the gender of your baby would be:

In the beginning, I just wanted a healthy baby. But in my heart of hearts, I really wanted a baby girl. I wanted her to be just like me.

Describe the weight gain you experienced during your pregnancy:

My goodness! I was already top-heavy, but this increase was like no other. I went from wearing a “G” cup to an “I” cup. I had no idea that they made bras in that size. At the end of my pregnancy, I weighed 213 pounds, and I was 179 before pregnancy. So, I gained a lot of weight, but I didn’t start showing until I was 7 or 8 months pregnant.

What was your expectant due date, and when did you actually give birth:

My due date was August 30th but she came two weeks early on August 17, 2023.

Walk us through the birthing process, the day your water broke: 

I went in for a doctor’s appointment; my blood pressure was high, and it wouldn’t go down. I was three centimeters dilated. And my doctor was like, we’re going to have a baby today. I was like, “Oh, lord, we’re going to have the baby?!” I was ready for the baby to come. But then I was like, “Oh, lord, this is real! I’m about to have a baby!”

So, at the hospital, we got checked in at the Labor & Delivery. They gave me the epidural, and then my doctor broke my water. I started Pitocin. From there, I went from being three centimeters to five centimeters dilated within an hour. The staff was like, “Oh, you’re progressing great!” After that, I started vomiting badly. My baby’s heartbeat dropped to 25, and all the nurses ran in like a scene from Grey’s Anatomy, saying they had to take her now, by emergency cesarean. They told my husband to pray now! But he had no clue the extent of what was really going on. He thought everything was normal, and we’re experiencing what we have seen on YouTube videos that we’ve watched together. But I knew something was wrong, and I didn’t want to alarm him. So, he prayed, and they took me back to the operating room. The doctor did a test to see if I could feel her do something, and I did. I wasn’t supposed to feel anything of what she did. By this time, it was too late to give me any more medication, so they had to put me to sleep. Now, my husband could not be in the room with me. They put me to sleep, and I don’t remember any of it. When I woke up, the first thing I asked was, does she have hair because I had terrible heartburn during my pregnancy. They said yes. I asked where she was, and she was in the nursery being checked out, and they would bring her in shortly. My doctor informed me that her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck twice. If her heartbeat hadn’t dropped, they wouldn’t have known the urgency of what was happening. Now that she’s here, she does all these flipping and turning and twisting all the time as when she was in my womb.

Discuss whether you opted for an epidural and the reasons behind your choice:

In the beginning, I had the idea to have a holistic water birth at home with some Anita Baker playing in the background. But on the day of my egg retrieval, I was swollen and in so much pain. It was the worst pain of my life. I knew then that I wanted to be medicated during labor.

What were the first words or sentiments you expressed to your newborn.

I was just like, “Oh my gosh, this is her!” My husband and I had talked so much throughout the pregnancy about who she would look like and how she would be. So, to be there with her as she latched on right away was just pure joy.

Describe the aspects of motherhood that bring you the most joy:

I enjoy cuddling and snuggling with her. Mornings are our best times because she’s smiling at me, we do our affirmations, and she just loves it. I love when she smiles at me; it gives me an incredible feeling. Just providing for her gives me the sense that I’m doing a amazing job.

What has been the most challenging part of motherhood: 

All of it! Not having enough time in the day to get things done and then not having time for myself. It’s a constant feeling of always being “on” and feeling overstimulated. I’m learning to give myself grace and to breathe.

What are some common misconceptions about motherhood or the path to becoming a mother: 

All it takes is for you to have sex, and you’ll get pregnant. That is not always true. I have learned to be sensitive to the term “motherhood” and the path women take to become mothers. I don’t want women to get caught up in the journey of how they became a mother when the end desire is to be a mother. In the Black community we have become conditioned to the idea that we must give vaginal birth in order to be considered a mother. That’s not true! Nevertheless, God designs and manifests your journey to be how it is going to happen. The goal is to be a mother. And you can be a mother through IVF, through giving birth cesarean.

Describe any remarkable or unexpected events that occurred during your hospital stay: 

One remarkable thing that occurred during my hospital stay was the encounter with the lactation specialist. She came in, reaffirming me by telling me I was doing a phenomenal job, telling me I was wonderful and how God created me to do this. Before she came in, I was feeling depleted and thinking how was I going to do this when I got home with the baby. But she came in and was pouring into me in a way that I started feeling like “I can do this.”

If given the chance, reflect on your journey to motherhood and identify any specific moments you would approach differently: Are there any regrets: 

I have no regrets. I feel everything happened the way it needed to happen in order for me to give a testimony to encourage someone else.

Based on your motherhood experience, what are some takeaways or insights you can offer other mothers: 

Take advantage of your community. If you can get a break, take a break. Don’t be afraid of postpartum depression (PPD). You can experience it but there are things that can help you get through it. For me, cooking was very helpful – I would put on some Betty Wright, get in the kitchen, and start cooking. Also reading and fresh air was very helpful. Try to take moments for yourself. Don’t be afraid to say how you truly feel. Even if it’s hard.

Photo Credit: Michael Walker Photography in Pearland, TX

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