When and how did you find out you were pregnant?
It was the Summer of 2020, and I had started a new diet, exercise regimen, and job. I was on my way to a healthier eating lifestyle. I began to notice changes in my body, such as losing weight, but it was pretty rapid, so it raised concerns. My body felt different. I recalled feeling like I needed air, lightheaded, and like I was going to faint. I thought I might feel better if I increased my water intake, but that did not fix the problem. I consider myself a reasonably healthy person who rarely gets sick, with no health complications, so this raised concerns for me. I began to worry because I had been experiencing this unexplainable feeling for several days. However, I decided to monitor it for a couple more days, and if it continued, I would seek medical advice. It wasn’t until the night before I started my new job I decided at 2 am to drive to CVS Pharmacy and purchase a pregnancy test kit. I wanted to rule out pregnancy. I took both tests when I returned home, and the results were “positive.” After my emotions settled (because they were all over the place as thoughts raced through my mind), I finally went to sleep.
Unbeknownst to me, a tiny human was growing inside of me. The following day, I started googling the next steps. It was an unfamiliar process, and I had yet to tell my mother; therefore, I had no guidance aside from the internet (thank God for the internet). The subsequent step was confirming my pregnancy with my doctor. I took a blood test which verified I was eight weeks pregnant. I remember thinking, “How could I have been pregnant for over two months and not know!” Had I not seen the little spectacle on the ultrasound with my own eyes, I would not have believed it.
How many pregnancy tests did you take?
I purchased a 3-pack of First Response pregnancy tests and followed the instructions meticulously, determined not to make any mistakes. Taking the first test, I anxiously waited a couple of minutes before checking the results. In all honesty, I expected the outcome to be negative since the idea of being pregnant seemed far-fetched. However, to my surprise, the lines appeared faint, casting doubt on the result. Thinking it might have been an error, I decided to take the remaining two tests simultaneously. To my astonishment, both of them clearly displayed positive results. It was at that moment that the undeniable truth sank in—I was indeed pregnant.
Were there any signs before finding out you were pregnant?
Despite the events, the idea of being pregnant was so far from my mind that you couldn’t have convinced me otherwise. Therefore, my initial thought was not pregnancy at all. Taking the tests was merely a means to rule out pregnancy, a step in the process of elimination to determine the root cause of my symptoms. At times, the intensity of the lightheadedness made me contemplate taking supplements or seeking medical attention to ensure it wasn’t a more severe underlying issue. Surprisingly, I never experienced any morning sickness, vomiting, or nausea, which further added to the puzzle of my condition.
Who was the first person you told about your pregnancy?
The first person I told was my daughter’s father.
What did you want the gender of your baby to be?
I did not have a preference; my sole desire was to bring a healthy baby into the world.
What was the worst experience during pregnancy?
The most challenging aspect of that period was the toxic environment I was in.
How much weight did you gain?
During the initial stages of my pregnancy, I experienced significant weight loss, which continued throughout the first few doctor visits. It wasn’t until I reached 17 weeks that I began to see a change and started gaining weight. At that point, I had only gained 1lb, but it felt like a significant milestone. Around the 5-6 month mark, my baby bump started showing, and by the end of my pregnancy, I had gained a total of 24.4 lbs. Despite my growing belly, I managed to work right up until the day I gave birth, surprising many of my colleagues had no idea I was pregnant until my last day in the office. It was intriguing because, to me, my stomach was quite noticeable and the largest it had ever been. However, to people who didn’t know me personally, I suppose they saw me differently.
When was your expected due date, and when did you actually give birth?
My expected due date was March 4th, 2020, but I gave birth on February 25th.
Walk us through the day your water broke or the birthing process?
It was 4 am when I woke up in the middle of the night, experiencing contractions. Unaware of what true labor contractions felt like and mistaking them for Braxton Hicks, I decided to go to work anyway. Working at a call center at the time, I found myself dealing with contractions while on calls. The pain was so intense that I struggled to speak at times, leading to confusion on the other end of the line. One of my colleagues, who happened to be a mother herself, noticed my distress and informed our supervisor, a male, about my condition. Approaching me anxiously, he admitted his lack of expertise in such matters and asked how he could assist me. Feeling uncertain, I simply replied that I was fine and tried to manage until my shift ended.
As the day progressed, I realized the frequency of my contractions had escalated from a few per hour to mere minutes apart. Unaware that I was actually in labor, I thought I could tough it out. Determined to finish my shift, I carried on until it was time to go home. While using the restroom, I noticed an unusually prolonged urine flow followed by a trickle of liquid, making me feel as if I had accidentally wet myself. I promptly put on a pad for some assistance. Upon arriving home, my child’s father and I decided to work on setting up the baby’s bassinet. However, as I sat down to read the manual, the trickle suddenly turned into a continuous flow of fluid. Filled with panic, I told him, “I think my water broke!” Without delay, he fetched my hospital bag while my mother helped me clean up and change. We then headed to the hospital, with the water continuing to flow abundantly throughout the journey.
Upon our arrival at the hospital, I was examined and found to be 1-2 centimeters dilated. The contractions grew increasingly unbearable, but I remained determined to have a natural birth. However, with each contraction, my baby’s oxygen levels would drop. As the contractions intensified, so did the decline in her oxygen levels. After a few hours, the doctor began discussing alternative options, including induction and a c-section, with a strong emphasis on the latter. Though the doctor mentioned waiting a bit longer, she believed a c-section would be the best course of action due to my slow dilation progress. Still, I held on and opted for Pitocin to induce labor. With the administration of Pitocin, I finally dilated to 3 centimeters, and the contractions continued to intensify. The doctor checked on my progress periodically, subtly urging me to consider a c-section. I made it clear that I wanted to avoid it. However, after further discussion with my daughter’s father, we ultimately decided that a c-section would be in our child’s best interest. As a result, after 14 hours of labor, my daughter was born at 12:02 am on February 25th.
Did you get an epidural?
Yes, despite my initial reservations, I ultimately decided to have an epidural. I felt as though I had no other choice. If I opted for a scheduled c-section, I would be awake during the procedure, allowing me to experience the moment of my child’s birth with a family member by my side. However, if I had waited for an emergency c-section, I would have had to be put to sleep, with no one allowed in the operating room with me. The thought of having no recollection of my daughter’s birth was the last thing I wanted, so I agreed to the epidural and the scheduled c-section.
Do you remember your first words to your baby?
Although I cannot recall the exact words I spoke to my baby upon her arrival, I do remember being quite talkative in the operating room. It was unusual for me, as I tend to be more reserved, but the medications I had received seemed to have loosened my tongue, and I found myself saying whatever came to mind. I continued to chat away until I heard the beautiful sound of my daughter’s first cries. However, as soon as she was placed on my chest, a profound silence fell over me. I was completely captivated by her presence, and as we were transported from the operating room to my hospital room, I don’t recall uttering a single word. Holding her close, I was entranced by the wonder of her existence.
Did you have any health complications during or after childbirth?
I am incredibly grateful that I did not experience any health complications during or after childbirth.
What’s the best thing you enjoy about being a mom?
One of the most rewarding aspects of being a mother is witnessing the growth and development of my daughter, Emery. It brings me immense joy to observe her as she discovers her own unique identity. She continuously surprises me with her individuality, from her actions and words to her expressions. Emery possesses a spirited personality that is entirely her own, and I absolutely adore it.
What has been the most challenging part of being a mom?
One of the most demanding aspects of motherhood for me has been navigating the journey of co-parenting with Emery’s other parent. It has presented its fair share of challenges. However, I firmly believe that it is a continuous learning process, and I remain hopeful and optimistic about our ability to work together for the well-being of our child.
Anything outrageous happened at the hospital?
Once it was determined that I would need to be admitted, the process of inserting the IV turned into a distressing experience. The initial nurse struggled to locate a suitable vein, resulting in multiple painful attempts in the same area. The discomfort was unbearable, and my reflex was to jerk my hand. Frustrated with the unsuccessful attempts, the nurse forcefully inserted the needle into my left hand, causing me significant pain. The memory still makes me cringe to this day. In an attempt to alleviate my discomfort, I mustered the courage to ask if it was possible to proceed without an IV. The nurse then called upon another, more experienced nurse for assistance. This seasoned nurse, who was older, opted to insert the needle from the back of my hand. To my relief, the process was painless and swift. Furthermore, she took the time to explain each step of the procedure and the reasons behind them, which helped to ease my anxiety. Unfortunately, the initial nurse’s attempts left me with a swollen spot on my hand, which persisted throughout my three-day stay at the hospital and even after my discharge. I experienced numbness and tingling in my hand, which took weeks to fully recover once I returned home.
Any do-overs or regrets:
Looking back, my only regret is that I didn’t capture more moments through photographs. I wish I had documented the journey more extensively. If given the chance for a do-over, I would have made the choice to engage the support of a Black Doula and opted for a water birth experience in the comfort of my own home. I believe that having a Black Doula would have provided me with a deeper sense of understanding and cultural connection during the birthing process, while a water birth could have offered a unique and potentially more calm environment for welcoming my child into the world.
Any takeaway or advice?
Motherhood is a unique and individual journey, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. When the time comes, maternal instinct naturally kicks in, empowering you to navigate the challenges and joys of motherhood. It’s important not to worry about feeling inadequate or ill-prepared because what you may perceive as lacking in experience can be acquired through various means. Remember to lean on your support system for guidance and assistance. If you don’t have a network of family or friends, don’t hesitate to seek out support groups where you can connect with other mothers who understand and relate to your experiences. I can personally recall being added to a Facebook group for mothers shortly after my daughter, Emery, was born. Although we were strangers, we found solace in our shared journey of motherhood. In this group, no one hesitated to ask for help or share their struggles. It became a safe space for both first-time and experienced mothers to support, learn from, and connect with one another.
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