Love Multiplies: The Journey of Our Growing Family- Ashley Reece

My name is Ashley Reece. I’m a mother of seven children and currently pregnant with my eighth child. I am also a wife, a licensed professional counselor (LPC) supervisor, and the co-founder of Family 1^st Counseling Center in North Houston. We primarily work with children and youth, but we do see adults with anxiety, depression, anger problems, and behavior problems.

Ever since I was a young girl, I have always wanted to be a mother and have a large family. My elders often remind me that as a young girl, I said I wanted ten children. While I am currently at number 7, getting to ten at this point, I am open to whatever number of children God blesses us with. Our family consists of four girls and three boys, including my 15-year-old bonus son. I adore motherhood and all it brings along with it.

One may ask, how do you juggle everything? Well, we have a team, so everybody puts in, and my children are homeschooled, so they are at the office with me. It was more difficult when they were in public school. We had to stop and go pick them up, and we had to go to different school events and things like that. But now we can work around the family schedule as well as school.

Which pregnancy was most memorable:

As far as I can remember, all my pregnancies are memorable. I’ve been blessed not to have any rough pregnancies other than morning sickness. I vividly remember my first pregnancy because it was the first, and I did not know what to expect. At the time, I had gotten off of birth control, so it was a surprise, but not a surprise. We were trying, but not trying, type of thing. The thought was, hey, we’re ready to have a baby. So, you know, if it happens, it happens. So it was really exciting.

Before I found out I was pregnant, I actually thought I had the flu or something. But then one of my older cousins came over, and she saw I was throwing up. And she was like, “You’re pregnant!” And I was like, what? From there, I took a pregnancy test only because she said it, and it was true. I was pregnant! Because my monthly cycle was abnormal, so there wasn’t a clear sign for me. I had a lot of support from my family, sorority sisters, and church members, so it was pretty nice. I enjoy pregnancy.

My first and second child are exactly 13 months apart. There really wasn’t a difference between the two pregnancies other than the second one’s shorter birthing process and similar symptoms, such as morning sickness and fatigue.

My first child was born at a birthing center. Most of my children were born at a birthing center, except for my fifth one; with her, I had too much amniotic fluid. So, I had to schedule the delivery at the hospital.

The birth of the second-to-last girl was particularly memorable because it was an unplanned home delivery. She was actually born on her due date. I experienced a contraction that felt more like the urge to use the restroom. When I went to the bathroom, everything happened really quickly and intensely. Within just 10 minutes, she was born. It was quite unexpected! Usually, I take my time before heading to the birthing center. I usually labor at home for a while and call my family to let them know I think it’s time. However, during this experience, things moved quickly. Within just 10 minutes of feeling contractions, I was trying to walk around and prepare for labor, but the contractions intensified rapidly. Before I knew it, she was here. My husband assisted in the delivery. I was able to call one cousin while sending the message via text, and one cousin was able to make it here. So she held my legs back, and my husband navigated the baby out of the womb.

I attempted a water birth, but my son was quite large. Fortunately, the staff didn’t inform me of this while I was in labor. They eventually told me it was time to get out of the water because his shoulders were so broad. They wanted to avoid any risk of him getting stuck and needed a precise angle to assist with his delivery.

What was unique about each pregnancy:

A funny thing about my pregnancies is that after each of my deliveries, once the baby’s head comes out, I don’t experience any more contractions. Typically, after the head is delivered, the doctor instructs you to push during the next contraction to get the rest of the baby out. However, for me, the next contraction never occurred.

In my first delivery, once the head was out, the baby started turning blue, and I realized I had to push without another contraction. Thankfully, he was fine, but this was something I had to keep in mind for my daughter and for my subsequent pregnancies.

My pregnancy with my daughter, Jahnnie, I experienced some fears because I had too much amniotic fluid, which increased the risk of the umbilical cord wrapping around her neck during delivery. This was the reason I couldn’t give birth at the birthing center. I usually opt out of genetic testing, but for some reason, I decided to undergo it this time. The results indicated a slight chance that she might never be able to walk, which was quite scary. However, she is perfectly fine and was actually the first of my children to walk at just 10 months old. All my other children walked after their first birthdays.

How did you tell your husband you were pregnant each time:

I never have to surprise my husband by telling him I am pregnant because he’s usually the one who tells me I’m pregnant. He said, “I can tell by the shape of your stomach when you’re pregnant.” A couple of times during my pregnancies—probably with the third one—I wore a white dress because we were going to a wedding. I thought I looked cute, and he said, “Your stomach looks a little big.” I was like, “I’m cute, what are you talking about?” But I was pregnant. Then, for my cousin’s bridal shower, we had a BAPS theme. You know, the kind of clothing that looks a little plastic? I wore one of those little jumpsuits, and he said again, “Your stomach looks a little big.” At that point, I was like, “You know what, I’m sick of this”— jokingly. But I was pregnant again.

What were the first words or sentiments you expressed to each child:

I do not remember my first words. I only remember my third child. We went to the birthing center, and it seemed like it was just taking him forever to come out. And I was like, he doesn’t want to see me. And my support system there were like, what are you talking about! I said, the baby doesn’t want to see me. I laugh now, but I remember it too well.

Did you successfully predict the gender of each child?

I don’t think so. For me, my mindset is simply that I’m grateful for whatever God blesses me with. That’s kind of like my mindset. So I never even tried to figure it out. some people are like, you’re sitting high, you’re sitting low. I’m like, whatever God blesses me with, I’m happy.

How much weight did you gain each pregnancy?

I do pretty good, I gain about 30 pounds each pregnancy. The belly fat is stubborn, but I have a pretty good bounce back.

Walk us through the birthing process, the day your water broke for each pregnancy:

Each birth was different for me. With Jaci, my second daughter, I went to the birthing center the day before, and they told me to come back the next day when she would be ready. It felt like a long process. When I returned the following day, they asked me to go outside and walk around, which I did. After that, they performed a sweep, and eventually, I went into labor. I usually have about ten people with me at the birthing center for support, which is really helpful. When Jaci was born, she actually came out face-first. I didn’t see it happen, but everyone else did, and it didn’t look normal. My husband actually thought the baby was dead. My cousin thought the baby was just really ugly. I pushed and the head came out, but then the room fell quiet, I didn’t know what was happening. Suddenly, my best friend, who is a nurse, yelled out, “There’s the nose! I see the nose!” After that, everyone seemed relieved, saying, “Oh, okay.” Jacey’s face was pretty bruised up. My husband said when she came out, things were running through his head as far as how to tell me the baby was deceased. But things were normal she just came face first.

Discuss whether you opted for an epidural during each pregnancy and the reasons behind your choice:

People often say that I am brave, but I am actually quite scared of the epidural. I don’t want anyone to stick anything into my back. I would say that I am more afraid of that than of the pain of childbirth. That’s why I’ve always said I plan to give birth naturally; I simply don’t want an epidural.

Describe any health complications you may have experienced either during or after childbirth for any of your pregnancies:

I did not experience any major health complications other than sciatic nerve pain, which has been common throughout all my pregnancies. This pain makes it difficult to walk and sleep at times; when I say “walk sometimes,” I mean for just a few seconds or minutes. At nighttime, it’s, it’s worse, but, thank God, it’s not high blood pressure, diabetes, or anything like that. It’s not life-threatening. I also dealt with carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrists during my first and second pregnancies, which required me to wear wristbands. In my third, fourth, and fifth pregnancies, I experienced chest pains. I visited a cardiologist, but they couldn’t find anything wrong. They suggested that it was likely due to the baby’s position, with something pushing against another part of my body. Thankfully, all the pain went away after I delivered.

Describe the feeding method for each child (bottle-fed, breastfed, etc.) and whether it was easy or posed challenges:

I primarily breastfed my babies. However, I kept some formula on hand for those nights when I was really exhausted. There were times when my husband would try to wake me up to feed the baby, but I would be so out of it that I couldn’t respond. Having the formula available was a lifesaver on those nights. In the morning, I would be salty, like, why didn’t you wake me up? I wanted to feed the baby. He’d say, “I tried to wake you up, but you were asleep, but the baby had some formula going on.”

In the beginning, I felt safer using formula for my older two, James and Jaci. I think it was around the time of the formula recall in 2020, which coincided with the COVID-19 pandemic, that I started to have concerns. When I began giving formula to my youngest, I noticed that when she would throw it up, it looked odd—almost like plastic, with a stretchy consistency. So, I decided to stop giving her formula and switched to almond milk after my breast milk supply started to decrease as a supplement. My primary goal has always been to provide breast milk. I believe it’s a blessing from God if you are able to produce and supply enough milk, as it can be quite a struggle. But breastfeeding is my first choice. But if I have to go to formula, then I will do so as necessary. I also don’t mind doing almond milk or oat milk or something like that.

Describe the difficulties you’ve faced in parenting multiple children:

Dealing with different personalities, especially with children, requires a delicate balance of encouragement and guidance. For instance, Jaci is a nine-year-old girl with a strong personality. She has been very vocal since she was two years old. While I want to foster respect and discipline in our home, I also want to ensure she feels empowered to express herself and doesn’t feel that women should remain silent. The challenge lies in knowing when to encourage her to speak up and when to ask her to tone it down. On the other hand, her older brother, James, is mild-mannered and respectful. While he can be a bit snappy at times, people often remark that they have no issues with him. In contrast, they say that Jaci’s outspoken nature might get her into trouble. It’s important for me not to compare the two children. I avoid telling Jaci, “You need to be quiet like James,” or “You should listen like James does.” Instead, I emphasize to her that she is her own person and that while I understand that you have an opinion about it, it’s a certain way that you have to talk to adults or talk to people in general.

I’m trying to adapt my interactions to suit each of my children’s personalities. The one-on-one time I spend with them varies. For instance, Jaci enjoys it when I come into the room to watch Madea with her, and that’s perfectly fine. James, on the other hand, needs a hug. He likes to come and give me a hug every few days, even if I’m busy or working. When that happens, I have to remind myself to pause and be present for him, as he just wants a quick two-second hug. The other kids have different needs. Jamie, for example, wants a hug and a kiss every morning. James doesn’t always want that kind of affection; he might stop kissing me or push away. I’m learning that it’s okay for each of them to express their needs differently because I also value my personal space. If someone wants hugs, that’s great, but if they don’t, that’s perfectly fine too.

Reflect on the concept of favoritism or varying bonds between children and parents and how you navigate these dynamics:

If you ask people around me, many would say that the boys are my favorites, but I don’t have favorites. When James was younger, they would always say, “James is your favorite.” I tended to protect him more, but Jaci is very vocal, so I didn’t need to say much about her. Jaci will express her feelings directly, while with James, I might need to ask others to leave him alone. Jacey, on the other hand, will tell you herself if she wants you to back off. Now the youngest boy, Jamie, is often labeled as my favorite too because he is quite clingy. He always wants his hugs and kisses and will sit right next to me, saying he wants to be with Mommy. If that’s what he wants, I don’t mind him being close to me or giving him affection. My girls, however, seem to be much more independent and vocal compared to the boys.

One person said there is no book on parenting, and I could only say that the Holy Bible tells us how we should raise our children. But other than that, you kind of figure it out.

What are common misconceptions people may have about being a mother of multiple children:

One person said there is a book on parenting, and I could only say that the Holy Bible tells us how we should raise our children. But other than that, you kind of figure it out, and you learn along the way. So I think a lot of the time, we are harder on our older children, more disciplined and stricter. But then sometimes you come to find out you did all of that, and it meant nothing. Or you didn’t have to be as strict, so you loosen up towards the younger ones. And then sometimes I can say, with the younger ones, I’m just tired now. I’m older; my body is tired! The two-year-old may get away with some stuff that the 16-year-old did not get away with. I think at the end of the day, it will all be okay if you kind of just instill the same morals and values. My husband and I have definitely grown as parents and are not making the same mistakes that we did as younger parents as far as discipline, how we talk to them, allowing more freedom of choice, and not stressing over the small things like if I put out this outfit, this is the outfit I want you to wear. But now, the four-year-old, she’ll go and get her own dress. And I’m like, you know what, if that’s what you want to wear, I’m not going to stress myself out, go ahead and put it on and go on about your business. So, you should just learn to be more flexible, lead with love, and parent with love at all times, even when you’re disciplining.

If given the chance, reflect on your journey to motherhood and identify any specific moments you would approach differently:

So, they still don’t have TVs in their rooms, but I would limit social media like YouTube all the way down. I would have just kept them watching shows like “Daniel the Tiger” and closely monitored their viewing habits. Nowadays, kids seem more interested in watching others play games rather than cartoons, and I’ve noticed that some content features adults interacting with kids in disrespectful ways. This exposure sends the message that it’s acceptable to talk back to parents.

If I had the chance to make changes earlier, I would definitely cut back on screen time from the start. It’s much easier to prevent an issue than to tackle it after it has become a problem. For instances, telling a child, you didn’t do this you can’t watch YouTube today– I would cut that out. For instance, if kids have been watching YouTube and then I realize it’s an issue, telling them they can’t watch it anymore as a form of punishment.

I did reverse something, and allowed my mom to give James a cell phone, and I gave Jaci my old phone, which only worked on Wi-Fi. They had those phones for about six months. Then we decided they were still young and really didn’t need phones. If we leave them with someone, we ensure it’s someone we trust. In that case, that person should have a phone to contact us if needed.

We eventually took the phones away and decided to wait until they’re older—maybe in high school—before they get their own again. Since they are homeschooled, having phones isn’t a necessity because they’re not away from us for long periods.

Based on your motherhood experience, what are some takeaways or insights you can offer other mothers:

I would say,  realize that tomorrow is not promised. People are dying, kids and parents.  So, sit down each year, reevaluate, and decide what morals and values you want to leave with your children. And it’ll change each year– but parent from that perspective. I want them to be respectful. So I’m going to talk to them with respect at all times and apologize when I cross the line, the same thing that I would want them to do. I also write a letter to my kids each year for their birthdays. I don’t give it to them, but if something ever happens, each year they have a letter with a recap of their year and just some words of encouragement from their dad and I about their future and what we feel that God has planned for them and their strengths, even their areas of weaknesses. Because if they keep it, even if they don’t keep it, if they read it, then when they have children, they can look back and say, you know what, I remember reading a letter, and my mom said, I struggle with this at that age as well. So maybe they won’t be as hard on their children about it because they can see how they’ve grown from that discrepancy. So write a letter, keep your morals and values in place, try to instill them and change them as needed because the same thing that we were doing in 2020 is not the same today.

In 2020, we were very “the world may be coming to an end,” and we were all at high risk. So, one day, while I was dyeing my hair, JC expressed a desire to color her hair with the leftover honey blonde dye. We both had dreadlocks (or sister locks). I decided to dye a few strands of her locks. This wasn’t something I would have done in 2018, but in that moment, I realized that life is short, and I might not get another chance to share this experience of doing our hair together. So, that was something she was able to do at that time. However, in 2024, if she asks me, the answer is nope, you can’t color your hair this year. That was a 2020 moment. And that’s okay!

Diaper Options:

One thing I did was use cloth diapers, which saved a lot of money. I recommend using a regular disposable diaper or Pampers at nighttime since it’s easier to manage all the fluid. During the day, though, cloth diapers worked just fine. You’re already washing baby clothes and towels due to spit-ups and other messes, so it made sense. I encourage more people to consider cloth diapering, especially now when prices for everything seem so high. There are plenty of cute diaper options available, along with special detergents and sprays designed to control odors. So don’t hesitate to look into it!

I used cloth diapers for my first three children; I didn’t for my last two. But I plan to return to cloth diapers for this baby, primarily for financial reasons.

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